I am going to make this one as quick as possible because it sickens me that almost half of this country believes the Bible is factually correct. I know there is no reasoning with “faith” so I will be as brief as I can in my overview of one of the most ridiculous things I can think of, a literal interpretation of the Bible.

The Bible is just a book. God did not write it! (I can’t believe I even have to say that) The Biblical account of creation is a myth. And as myths go, it is as good as any other explanation for the way things are. But to take this fiction as fact is simply wrong. It is the worst kind of willful ignorance.

It pains me to say that there is actually something called Young Earth Creationism. Young Earth Creationists are religious people who believe the universe, and the Earth, and people, and everything were all created by an act of God less than 10,000 years ago. Supposedly, according to a recent poll, around 40% of Americans believe in Young Earth Creationism. (Which explains a lot about America)

Young Earth Creationists reject every scientific theory that does not agree with a literal reading of the Bible. (This hurts my brain to think about.) They reject science and rational thought because of a book that was written four thousand years ago.

If the Bible, the word of God, was written in 100-foot letters carved into the side of a mountain with lightning bolts and signed by God himself, then maybe I could see putting some faith into the literal interpretation of this book. But the undeniable fact is that these American creationists are reading a book in English that has been translated from language to language over a period of two thousand years. There are a lot of unbelievable miracles in the Bible, but the Bible these creationists are reading actually being the exact translation of the word of God passed down through 20 centuries is the least believable miracle of them all.

And yet this compilation of hearsay that has a documented history of being edited over and over by humans is taken as the exact word of God. And not only that, every piece of science or reality that goes against this literal interpretation is rejected.

So what does creation science consist of? Here is a prime example. They just added up all the ages of all the people in the Bible and counted backwards to figure out the date for the creation of the universe. They came up with a date somewhere between 4000 BC and 5500 BC. Their proof of this theory consists entirely of one book telling them so. And they are so wrong, so very wrong. Science tells us that the universe is around 14 billion years old. Creationists are wrong by six orders of magnitude. That is a factor of a million times. They are one million times wrong, but do they care? Heck no! They just double-down on stupid because of blind faith in a book. (It is funny that these anti-intellectuals worship a book.)

These hideous idiots reject virtually every field of science (except simple addition which they use to add up the ages of all the people in the Bible). They believe every science that does not agree with a literal interpretation of the Bible is wrong. (How insane is that?!) They reject the sciences of Astronomy, Archeology, Anthropology, Biology, Chemistry, Cosmology, Genetics, Geology, Ecology, Optics, Paleontology, Physics and Zoology just to name a handful. They believe that all of these sciences, which agree with each other, are actually conspiring to hide the truth that the Bible holds all the true answers to everything. (And I thought I was a conspiracy theorist.)

Here are some of the things these people think are true. Correction. These people do not think, and they are proud of it. Here are some of the things these people believe are true.

– They believe there is no such thing as evolution. Well then, if selective breeding cannot change character traits over time then please explain dachshunds. First there were wolves then there were dachshunds. How did that happen? Oh, and lets not forget Noah. What about him, you ask? Well, if after the flood everyone on earth was dead except Noah and his family, and if we assume (unlike creationists) that Noah looked like a Middle Eastern guy, then why don’t we all look like Noah? Explain Africans and Asians and Europeans without using the theory of evolution.

– They believe carbon dating is not real. They reject the sciences of physics and chemistry, because they do not fit into their story. And yet they use the same physics and chemistry they so arrogantly reject whenever they use a computer, or drive a car. There is an archeological site that has recently been unearthed in Turkey called Göbekli Tepe. It is the oldest known stone circle in the world. It predates Stonehenge by 6000 years. It has been carbon dated to around 11,500 years ago. This site alone disproves everything creationists believe about the universe. (It calls into question everything traditional archaeologists think about civilization as well) It is proof that they are wrong. But do creationists change their paradigm like science is being forced to? No. They just shut their eyes and stick their head in the sand of the Promised Land.

– They believe men thousands of years ago lived to be nearly 1000 years old. The genealogies of Genesis record the line of descent from Adam through Noah to Abraham. Young Earth Creationists interpret these genealogies literally, including the old ages of many of the central characters in Genesis. For example, according to the Bible Adam died at 930 years old, Noah lived to be 950 years old, and Methuselah lived to be 969 years old.

– They believe that the story of Noah’s ark really happened. They believe a 600-year-old man built a 500-foot long boat, and then gathered two of every species of animal on the planet (including dinosaurs) and brought them on the ark with him. And remember, there is no such thing as evolution so he had to get every single species of animal on the planet right now. I have already written extensively on this ridiculous story. Please read my article Noah’s Ark for more.

– They believe dinosaurs and humans coexisted. Dinosaurs went bye-bye 65 million years ago. But creationists believe there is no such thing as 65 million years ago. Homo Sapiens first appeared around 200,000 years ago. However, according to the Bible the concept of 200,000 years ago is impossible so the creationists have to make sense of the fossil record by deciding that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. Not only that, they go so far as to believe that humans domesticated dinosaurs. The picture below of a saddle on a triceratops is from the Creation Museum, in Kentucky. Keep in mind that this is not a ride at a Chuck E. Cheese’s, this is not something you put a quarter in and let your kid jiggle around on, this is someone’s mixed up idea of “Creation Science”. This is what they really believe really happened based on a literal interpretation of the Bible.

Really?! It is like going to Disneyland and deciding to believe that it is a natural history museum. “I believe that elephants really can fly! I don’t care what science says because I saw it in my favorite movie, so it has to be true!”

If humans and dinosaurs coexisted it means that Noah would have had to have dinosaurs on the ark. One time I asked a creationist how Noah would be able to get all the dinosaurs on the ark, and he had no answer. But he told me that he would ask his pastor and get back to me. (Here we see the heartbreaking truth that these imbeciles are unable to think for themselves anymore) To his credit he did get back to me with his pastor’s answer, which he got from the Creation Science Research Center. Here it is, “Noah only needed to bring baby dinosaurs on the ark. Then he could fit them all on there.” This is just another example of how hard these people will think in order to not think.

– They believe the earth is flat. In the Bible it says that the Earth is fixed and immovable. 1 Chronicles 16:30 Fear before him, all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not moved. That’s all the proof I need, so fuck you astronomy!

– They believe the Bible is historically accurate. Not only that, they believe it is written by God himself. It figuratively blows my mind they take this book literally. And again, to me the greatest miracle of them all must surely be that after thousands of years of translation after translation, through version after version, the word of God is still exactly it was first spoken. (Side note: If your Bible has the word “version” on the cover, then it’s not the immutable word of God) How could they have so much faith in a book that was written by hundreds of men thousands of years ago?

How frightened must they be at the thought of having to think for themselves that they would just give up all rational thinking and accept that all the answers to everything are in the Bible? 2+2 = the Bible. When was the Grand Canyon formed? The Bible. How old is the universe? The Bible. And if the answers don’t fit the narrative then the answers are wrong.

There is nothing they can point to in the Bible that refutes science. They can only say that they believe what they want to believe, and so they do. They are afraid to evolve and so they don’t. In fact it is as if they have devolved. They are living in the dark ages, but with cell phones. It all goes to show the power of belief. It can set a mind free, or it can turn someone’s brain into mush.

I could go on, but I can feel myself getting less intelligent with every word.

Does science have all the answers? No. And science, good science, does not claim to. Science and rational thought know that things change. Scientists know that new facts emerge which cause paradigms to shift. That is how science works. You can’t just say that the universe in 6000 years old because you read it in a book. (I can’t believe I even have to say that as well)

Creationists have intentionally lost touch with reality. This is a mental illness. (A fundamental illness if you will) They have severed ties with the real world and have succumbed to the spell of a 4000-year-old book. I bet most of these people havn’t even actually read the book they believe God wrote from cover to cover. They have meekly and merely had sound bites from it read to them, and interpreted for them.

In a sad way it doesn’t even surprise me that these people believe that the earth is less than 10,000 years old. It doesn’t surprise me that religious people could become so confused, because I am constantly amazed by the fact that there are “rational” Christians who believe in science yet still believe that Jesus was born of a virgin, died for their sins, and came back from the dead. How much farther is it really to go from virgin birth to the universe started with page one of the Bible? Creationism is just taking religionism to it’s (ill)logical conclusion. These people will believe anything.

Just because you believe something doesn’t make it true.