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Christianity does not like women. And I will use the Bible to prove it.

Seriously. There is a ridiculous brand of yoga clothes called Spiritual Gangster. I have been wanting to say something about it for a while. That day has come.

No I am not talking about my revelation as in the book of Revelation, the schizoid final book in the Bible. (Someone should have told John of Patmos, the author of the book of Revelation, not to eat the brown acid.)

I am talking here about my personal revelation after having written all of these articles. It is quite simply this…

THE GOD OF THE BIBLE IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL!

That’s right. My big revelation is that Yahweh is really Satan, the great deceiver himself. If you look at the Bible and Judeo-Christian mythology from that angle it all makes perfect sense.

(Full disclosure, this was not a recent revelation for me. I figured that shit out when I was still in junior high school. But after researching and writing all of these articles it has become even clearer to me than ever that the God of the Bible is really the Devil in disguise.)

And to be perfectly clear, I do not believe in either the God of the Bible or the Devil. To me they are both just two sides of the same worthless coin.

I am not the first person to realize that the God of the Bible is evil. Many people throughout history have come to the same obvious conclusion.

As early as the 2^nd century the Gnostics said Yahweh was an evil god. They referred to him as the Demiurge. Based on their readings of the Torah and other Biblical writings, the Gnostics concluded that the material world was created by an ignorant emanation of the highest God. They believed this reality was designed to trap the divine spark within the human body. They believed that Yahweh created the Earth for his own depraved pleasure. He tricks us into believing he is God and then he demands that we worship him on pain of death. The earth was seen as a deliberate prison for its inhabitants. (The Matrix?)

The Gnostics believed the divine spark within each of us could only be liberated by gnosis of this divine spark. Gnosis (pronounced no-sis) means knowledge based on personal experience. Gnosis in a spiritual sense means having a direct experience of the divine. (That means no middleman, and no more second-hand God. Which is why the Church hated the Gnostics and tried to exterminate them.)

Believe it or not, there is something in the Bible itself that suggests Yahweh is actually Satan.

Here is an interesting “coincidence” that points to the fact that the people who compiled the Bible were hinting that Yahweh is actually the Beast from the book of Revelation. Let’s compare Revelation 13:16 to Exodus 13:16 (Notice that they are the same chapter and verse numbers.)

Revelation 13:16 says, And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads.

In this verse of Revelation we learn about the infamous “Mark of the Beast”. This verse tells us it is a mark on the hand or on the forehead. In the end times no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. (There are many today who see universal ID cards in the computer economy as the actual Mark of the Beast, but that is an article for another day.)

I would like to point out that Revelation 13:15, the line prior to the one quoted above, says that anyone who …would not worship the image of the beast should be killed. The line just before the one that mentions a mark on the hand or forehead is all about thousands of unbelievers being slaughtered. Just keep that in mind for later.

OK, now lets look at Exodus 13:16 And it shall be for a token upon thine hand, and for frontlets between thine eye, for by strength of hand the LORD brought us forth out of Egypt.

I know it kind of sounds like Ye Olde English gobbledygook, but I will translate it to modern English for you. In this passage of Exodus the Bible speaks about a mark that is placed on the hand or between the eyes. (A frontlet is an ornament worn on the forehead.)

So here we have a line in Exodus (the second book of the Bible), with the same chapter and verse number as the one in Revelations (the last book of the Bible) saying virtually the same thing. But it gets even weirder. Remember the line before the one in Revelations spoke about how anyone who did not believe in the Beast would be killed? Well check this out.

The line before the one in Exodus just so happens to say this. Exodus 13:15 And it came to pass, when Pharaoh would hardly let us go, that the LORD slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast. Therefore I sacrifice to the LORD all that openeth the matrix, being males; but all the firstborn of my children I redeem.

Holy shit! It’s another line that speaks about the slaughtering of unbelievers. It speaks of how God’s angel of death killed thousands and thousands of innocent men, young men, and male babies during the 10th plague in Egypt. That is the moment that the Jewish holiday of Passover celebrates. It is when God’s angel of death “passes over” the children of Israel when he is slaughtering the firstborn males in Egypt. And God didn’t just kill all of Egypt’s firstborn male humans; he killed all the firstborn male animals as well. He killed thousands (if not millions) of innocent animals, but he didn’t kill any of the Jewish animals. How nice for them.

And speaking of killing the firstborn. This passage is known as The Consecration of the Firstborn. Did you notice the phrase “Therefore I sacrifice to the LORD all that openeth the matrix, being males?” These are the actual words in the King James Version of the Bible. “Opening the matrix” means coming out of the womb, and what this passage is telling Jews to do is to honor God’s slaughter of the innocent firstborn males and animals of Egypt by continuing to sacrifice every firstborn male, whether animal or human, to Yahweh. That in itself is fucking evil, but the fact that all of the firstborn sons of Jews are to be “redeemed” (aka. not killed) makes it even more evil.

Is it just a coincidence that the lines in Exodus and Revelation about marks on the hand or forehead are so similar? Is it just a coincidence that the lines before those lines both speak of slaughtering thousands of unbelievers? Or is someone trying to tell us that Yahweh is really the Beast of Revelation?

(Again, I do not believe in any of this shit, but it is interesting to see these parallels within the Bible itself.)

The fact is, I really don’t need to get all DaVinci Code about the Bible to point out “clues” that Yahweh is Satan. The Bible if full of blatant examples of his outright evil.

During my “40 Days of Rage of Reason” I have made it a point to site my references and quote chapter and verse as I made my case against the Bible and its God. I have written nearly 40 articles about the bullshit in the Bible and so I will not go too deeply into the details of it all again here. Nor will I bother quoting chapter and verse as I give you a greatest hits of God’s despicable deeds in the Bible. Look at this list from the perspective that God is actually the Devil and it will all make perfect sense.

– God refused to forgive Adam and Eve for eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil even though they couldn’t have known that they were doing something wrong until after they ate the fruit. They were literally innocents, and yet God chose to punish them.

– God didn’t just punish Adam and Eve for their “sin”, he punished all of mankind throughout history until this very moment. (God loves to punish innocent people for “the sins of the father.”) He made men have to work hard to put food on the table and he made childbirth painful for women. He made it so women would have to “bring forth children in sorrow”.

– God manipulated Cain into killing his brother Abel. He played favorites and rejected Cain’s offering of fruits and vegetables. God wanted animals to be killed for him. Something living had to die. God wanted blood to be spilled, and so that is what Cain did for him. He killed his brother after the very first religious ceremony worshiping the God of the Bible. Then rather than punishing Cain for killing his brother, God put a mark on him (The Mark of Cain) which meant that if anyone killed Cain, God would “avenge him sevenfold.”

– God made the world and filled it with plants, animals and people, and then he decided that he didn’t like the way things were going so he created a flood that killed every plant, animal and human on the planet except for eight Jews that worshiped him.

– God made a covenat wherein he promised the “Promised Land” to Abraham and his descendants even though other people were living there already.

– God demanded that the physical manifestation of this covenant with him would be the genital mutilation of infant boys.

– God tested Abraham’s obedience by getting him to strap his son to an altar and cut his throat. God stopped Abraham at the last minute, like it was all some sort of sick joke.

– God destroyed entire cities. Sodom and Gomorrah to name just two. Clearly every single person in those cities was not wicked. The children, toddlers and infants weren’t evil, but God personally killed them all anyway.

– God rewarded Jacob for lying, cheating, and stealing his brother’s “rightful” birthright to the Promised Land.

– God killed all of the firstborn males in Egypt rather than just kill the Pharoah.

– God made a list of Ten Commandments for how to run society. The first four of which were all about how to worship him. Breaking those laws was punishable by death.   (“Thou shalt not kill” wasn’t even in the top five.)

– God chose one race of humans (the Jews) to be his “chosen people”, and then he set them at odds with the rest of the world.

– God ordered the genocide and ethnic cleansing of any cultures that did not worship him. He demanded that his chosen people murder every single man, woman, child, infant, and “suckling” who wasn’t Jewish. He also ordered that all trace of those cultures be completely destroyed and wiped from the face of the earth.

– God wanted blood poured all over the altars where he was worshiped.

– God saw that humanity was working together with one mind and one voice to build great things (like the tower of Babel,) so he scrambled the language of humanity and created confusion where once there was unity.

– God made a bet with “Satan” that if he let Satan ruin Job’s life Job still wouldn’t curse God. God not only let Satan torment Job (his favorite human at the time), but he also let Satan kill all of Job’s children as well.

– God wants to be feared, not loved. (And somehow it is a good thing for someone to be considered “God fearing”.)

– God not only condones slavery, he gives you rules on how to purloin and punish your slaves.

– God treats women like property.

– God says that his name is Jealousy.

– God decides to fix what’s wrong with the earth he created by having his only (and firstborn) son brutally tortured to death.

– God creates a place called Hell where anyone who does not believe in him will burn forever.

– God demands that you eat his son’s flesh and drink his son’s blood in remembrance of him.

All of that is conclusive evidence in the Bible that proves Yahweh is a fucking evil, and yet somehow he has managed to convince billions of people that he is the God of Love. Who else could pull something like that off but the father of lies, Satan himself?

And Yahweh has even gotten us to demonize the one person who attempted to overthrow his hateful reign. No not Jesus. Lucifer. Lucifer is reviled as the enemy of God and Goodness, but this lie is based on the false premise that the God of the Bible is actually good, which he clearly is not. Lucifer was really a good guy. He tried to make a stand against God’s theological tyranny, and for his rebellion he was sent to work in hell forever. (Again, to be clear, I believe these are allegories. I do not believe in Lucifer either.)

Remember in the Garden of Eden when the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was being kept from Adam and Eve? Remember why God kicked them out of paradise after they ate the forbidden fruit? According to God it was because after eating the forbidden fruit they became “like gods” themselves, and Yahweh, the Demiurge couldn’t have that. So he kicked Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden before they could eat the fruit of the Tree of Life and live forever.

In this story Lucifer (the snake) can be seen as a liberator. He actually told Eve the truth. God had said that if they ate the forbidden fruit that they would surely die that same day. But after Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit the Bible says that “their eyes were opened”, and they ended up living for another 900 years. So clearly God lied. He wanted to keep their eyes closed. It was Lucifer that set Adam and Eve free from the prison of ignorance their jealous God had kept them in.

Lucifer means “bringer of light”. Does that sound like an evil person to you?

Like any fascist dictatorship, God wanted to control information and keep his people ignorant of what was really going on. Educated, self-aware people are the enemy of both the church and the state.

Lucifer broke Yahweh’s monopolistic dominance over the control of information. (This is the same reason why Magic Mushrooms are illegal. Psychedelics engender gnosis or direct communication/communion with The Universe, and The Powers That Be are powerless in the light of these “self revealing” substances. They wake people up. They pop people out of The Matrix. And among other things, they help people see that religion is the most insidious form of slavery, because it is slavery without chains.)

Lucifer was a hero who was punished for standing up to Yahweh’s monstrous megalomania, but unfortunately Lucifer has been portrayed as a demon, and some deluded people even worship him as such. And so good is evil and evil is good.

The God of the Bible is Satan himself, hiding in plain sight.

He is responsible for starting all three Abrahamic religions, and their dogmatic ridiculousness has made an undeniable mess of humanity’s history. All the while this “omnipotent” God allows the world to devolve into more and more factions, tribes, and religions that continue to kill people in his name. He could just come down and clear all this up, but he allows it to go on and on. Why? Because he loves the bloodshed, that’s why. He fucking loves it! Every religious killing is a blood sacrifice to him. And I’m not just talking about Christians killing Muslims, or Muslims killing Jews. I am also talking about Catholic Christians killing Protestant Christians, and Shia Muslims killing Sunni Muslims. They are all sacrifices to the evil bloodthirsty God/Devil of the Bible.

Think of all the people in history who have been killed in Yahweh’s name. It is both staggering and sickening. Imagine how great the world would be if there was no Yahweh. I’m not saying the world would be perfect. I’m just saying it would be better. How much farther might humanity have progressed by now if there were no Church, or no Dark Ages?

The Bible has billions of people on earth unwittingly worshiping the Devil. They are giving time, and thought, and energy, and blood, to this extremely evil entity. Billions of “sheeple” have been brainwashed into believing up is down, black is white, and that the God of the Bible is good.

That’s the reason why I have done all this. My goal has been to shine a light on this dark bullshit. People who have never been religious already know this but, once you pull your head out of Jesus’ ass you can’t not see the evil inherent in the whole thing.

The truth is you really you don’t need me to tell you any of this. All you have to do to is compare the Biblical body counts of God vs. Satan and the case is closed. The numbers, (unlike Yahweh) don’t lie.

Low estimates for the amount of people Yahweh is responsible for killing in the Bible are over two million. (Look it up.) These are the explicit deaths that are actually accounted for in the Bible. That number does not include the implied deaths in the Bible. For example, the Bible does not mention how many people were slaughtered when God destroyed entire cities, it doesn’t mention how many of the firstborn males in Egypt were killed during the 10th plague, and it doesn’t mention how many innocent people’s were lives were ended when God intentionally killed everyone on earth during the Great Flood. When you count the implicit deaths in the Bible at the hand of Yahweh his body count soars to over 20 million.

And how many people does the Bible say that the Devil killed? How many people does the Bible say were actually killed by Satan? (Drumroll…) Ten.

That’s right Satan killed ten people in the Bible. (They were all the children of Job whom God gave Satan express permission to kill in order to win a bet.)

So, on the extreme low end, the Biblical body count looks like this:

God – 2,000,000

Satan – 10

God is basically Keyser Söze from the movie The Usual Suspects. He pretends to be all sweet and harmless like “Verbal” Kint (or Jesus). He looks you right in the eye and sells you a story all about what a cold-hearted, manipulative psychopath the bad guy is, but when you finally put the pieces together you realize that the bad guy was him all along.

At the end of the film, Verbal famously paraphrases Charles Baudelaire when he says, “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn’t exist.” I disagree.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was God.

Christianity is pretty dark when you think about it. And you don’t even have to think very hard about it because the symbol for their religion is the implement of capital punishment that their savior was murdered on, aka the cross. Catholics take it one step further and make sure that the body of Jesus is actually on the cross, thus making it a crucifix. Then you throw in the fact that if you don’t believe in Jesus, you will burn in hell forever, and things get real dark real quick.

And as if all of that wasn’t enough, as if the maniacal God of the Old Testament having a son that he sent to earth so he could get crucified to redeem everyone from the sin of being born human wasn’t fucking dark enough, Jesus also demands that his followers become cannibal vampires as well.

Tomorrow is Holy Thursday. It is the last day of Lent because it is the Thursday before Good Friday. “Good” Friday is the day they supposedly arrested Jesus and nailed him to the cross. (How sick do you have to be to think that is a good thing?)

Jesus had the Last Supper the night before he got arrested. Therefore tomorrow is the “anniversary” of the Last Supper. (I have the word anniversary in quotes because all of the dates of Christian holidays were completely made-up. The dates have eveverything to do with coopting existing Pagan holidays, and nothing to do with historical fact.)

So, what did they eat at the most famous meal in history? What was on the menu at the Last Supper? It was Jesus Christ himself!

That’s right. Jesus wanted to give us something to remember him by. (Because his torture and murder weren’t enough.) And so he asks that we eat his flesh and drink his blood on a weekly basis.

I remember when I first went to Catholic school I was repulsed by the gruesome crucifixes everywhere. But then eventually I got somewhat used to it. I understood that they were trying to remind everyone about how guilty we should all feel because Jesus had to get crucified for our sins. But I never understood the Eucharist.

The Eucharist is another name for the sacrament of Holy Communion. Communion is the point in the Divine Liturgy when Christians eat a wafer of bread and take a sip of wine believing that it is the body and blood of Jesus Christ.

I heard the priests say the incantations during the mass so many times that I think I still have it memorized. Lets see. “Take this all of you and eat it. It is my body, which will be given up for you. Take this, all of you and drink it. This is my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant, where you can always see the sun, day or night. So when you call my shrink in Beverly Hills…” Wait a minute; I slipped into a Prince song there for a second.

Here is what the actual Prayer of Consecration says. “Take this, all of you, and eat of it: for this is my body which will be given up for you. Take this, all of you, and drink from it: for this is the chalice of my blood, the blood of the new and everlasting covenant, which will be poured out for you and for all that sins might be forgiven. Do this in memory of me.”

How does the bread and wine turn into flesh and blood you ask?

It happens through a magical process known as transubstantiation, which is the changing of one substance to another. In this case it is the turning of a cracker and some cheap wine into bullshit.

Catholics and Protestants have fought about a lot of things over the years, but one of the things they fought most bitterly over was what goes on during Holy Communion. Protestants believe that the Eucharist is a symbolic act, (which is understandable), and the Catholics believe that the bread and wine really turn into Jesus’ flesh and blood. (Which is insane.)

Symbolically eating bread and wine and imagining that it is the body of your God is one thing, but believing that the bread and wine have actually become the body and blood of your God is quite another.

I repeat. Catholics believe that the bread and wine really turn into the flesh and blood of Jesus. I shit you not. They believe the priest uses his juju to actually turn the bread and wine into the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ.

The Catholics are very clear about the fact that the eating of Jesus’ flesh and blood is NOT a symbolic gesture. The Catholic Church believes the presence of Christ in the Eucharist is real. They believe a supernatural act changes the substance of the bread and wine into the substance of the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ without changing the appearances, the color, shape or properties of the bread and wine.

That is crazy talk. How can bread and wine turn into flesh and blood but still look like bread and wine?

The doctrine of concomitance (pronounced con-COM-itense) says that two things can be the same thing at the same time. (Clearly physics disagrees.) In this way the bread and wine can look like bread and wine, but at the same time they are also totally Jesus’ flesh and blood.

Here is a quote from the council of Trent in 1551. “First of all, the holy council teaches and openly and plainly professes that after the consecration of bread and wine, our Lord Jesus Christ, true God and true man, is truly, really and substantially contained in the august sacrament of the Holy Eucharist under the appearance of those sensible things… it is a most contemptible action on the part of some contentious and wicked men to twist them into fictitious and imaginary tropes by which the truth of the flesh and blood of Christ is denied.”

That says that the bread and wine “truly, really and substantially” turns into the flesh and blood of Christ, regardless of the outward appearance of the bread and wine. It also says that it is a contemptible action by contentious and wicked people (Protestants) to twist the transubstantiation into a fictitious, imaginary event.

Speaking of imaginary events, let’s look at the last supper as it is recorded in the Bible. (Many people believe the last supper was also a Passover dinner, or Seder. What a coinkydink! The Christians used a Passover dinner to hijack Judaism. But more on Passover in a couple of days.)

Matthew 26:26-28, Mark 14:22-24, and Luke 22:19:20 all give pretty much the same account of Jesus telling his disciples to eat him at the Last Supper. And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, “Drink ye all of it, for this is my blood of the New Testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.”

That doesn’t seem like much to go on, but the version according to John says a bit more about why Jesus wants us to eat him.

John 6:47-48 “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life. I am that bread of life.”

OK, if you say so. Go on.

John 6:51 “I am the living bread which came down from heaven. If any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever. And the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

This understandably perplexed his disciples.

John 6:52 The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, “How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”

Great question fellas. Imagine you are at a dinner where your friend tells you that he is going to die the next day and he wants you to eat his flesh and drink his blood? I can just picture all the sideways glances between the apostles as they ask each other without words, “Is he freaking serious?”

Verily, verily he was.

John 6:53-56 Then Jesus said unto them, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you. Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, hath eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day. For my flesh is meat indeed, and my blood is drink indeed. He that eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood, dwelleth in me, and I in him.”

That’s just creepy. He says that if you don’t eat the flesh of the Son of man and drink his blood that you will have no life in you. (Here we have Jesus saying yet again that without him there is no life.) He then says if you do eat his flesh and drink his blood you will have eternal life. And then he gets real specific. He says his flesh is meat indeed, and his blood is drink indeed. And finally he says that if you eat his flesh and drink his blood that he will dwell in you. It is not enough for you to believe in him, you have to consume him. (Then he will consume you.)

Christianity purports to be more evolved than Judaism because the New Testament is not as barbaric as the Old Testament. But in actuality Christianity and the New Testament are all about blood and gore. Aside from Jesus demanding that we eat his body and drink his blood there is of course his dreadful crucifixion. And where would we be with out his bloody bloody murder? After all, we are saved by the blood that he spilled on the cross. Our souls are cleansed in the blood of the Lamb.

The last half of the New Testament is loaded with people writing about Jesus’ blood. Blood this and blood that. I will give just a handful of examples.

Romans 5:9 says, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. The next line goes on to say that in this way we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son.

Why does Jesus’ blood save us from God’s wrath? Why did we need to be reconciled with God in the first place? And why was his son’s blood the only way to do it?

Ephisians 1:7 We have redemption through his blood.

1 John 1:7 …the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.

How exactly does that work? Seriously. Explain that to me. How does someone’s spilled blood cleanse anything, especially sins?

Blood is a huge part of God’s rituals. Blood, blood, and more blood. Remember in the story of Cain and Abel how God disrespected the fruits and vegetables Cain offered him, but he really liked the blood sacrifice of the animals Abel killed and burned for him. God used to be all about animal sacrifices, and pouring blood on altars used to be a ritual practice.

Deuteronomy 12:27 And thou shalt offer thy burnt offerings, the flesh and the blood, upon the altar of the LORD thy God. And the blood of thy sacrifices shall be poured out upon the altar of the LORD thy God, and thou shalt eat the flesh. How grim. Imagine altars covered with blood and Jews praying to Yahweh.

Hebrews 9:22 …almost all things are by the law purged with blood, and without shedding of blood is no remission. Remission in the Bible means forgiveness. So without bloodshed there can be no forgiveness. Nice.

And speaking of bloodshed, Not many people know that the night before he got arrested, just after the Last supper, Jesus went out into the garden to prey to God (himself?) for strength and he preyed so hard that he ended up sweating blood. (Yay more blood!)

Luke 22:44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

And now we have to drink his blood too? Gross.

When you take communion at church not only do you have to eat Christ’s flesh and drink his blood, you have to do it in front of a giant statue of his dying body nailed to a cross. You are there looking at a huge depiction of the murder of the man who’s body and blood you are eating and drinking. That is some twisted horror-movie shit right there. And they make kids do it.

Christians, and Catholics in particular, are both cannibals and vampires. (By the way, the actual Dracula, Vlad the impaler was known for being an Eastern Orthodox Christian. Not too surprising, is it?)

Vampires believe that if you drink blood you will live forever. So do Christians. But Christians take the concept even further and insist that you eat human flesh as well, which makes them more like zombies. And when you think about the fact that the guy they worship really was a zombie for 40 days after the crucifixion it all starts to make a little more sense. But Just a little.

Is this really the best way Jesus could come up with for us to remember him? Is this really the best way humans can symbolize communion with God?

It would be better to have a statue of a man and woman having sex. That is the pleasurable and beautiful act of the creation of life. Oh no, but that would be evil! So let’s celebrate the mystery of life by putting up a huge statue of a guy being tortured to death, and then let’s have people eat his flesh and drink his blood instead.

Even if you just think that the Eucharist is a symbolic act you are still a cannibal. You are a symbolic cannibal, but you are still a cannibal.

Why does Jesus get to hijack a nice snack like wine and crackers? How about if I take something like pizza and beer and make it my own Holy Communion? What if the day before I died I said something like…

“Take this this pizza all of you and eat it. It is my body, and it’s really good as leftovers. Take this beer; it is the beer of the new and everlasting covenant. Keep it nice and frosty. Eat this pizza and drink this beer in remembrance of me.”

That in itself would be quite a nice sentiment. Remember me when you drink beer and eat pizza. But for me to ask that my friends imagine eating my physical body and drinking my actual blood as they eat pizza and beer is a little nuts. For me to insist that the pizza and beer really does become my flesh and blood and then command my friends to eat me is just deranged.

And finally, I would like to end this phlebotomous article with a simple question:

At what point in your digestive tract does the holy sacrament of Jesus Christ’s flesh and blood turn into shit and piss?

My problem with Jesus (if he existed at all) is that he was a Jew. I don’t mean that I care about him being racial Jew. I couldn’t care less about that. I am talking about the fact that he was a religious Jew. Think about it, how much more Jewish could you be than Jesus. He didn’t just claim to be the fulfillment of Jewish messianic prophesies, he claimed to be the actual son of the God of the Old Testament. That is my problem with Jesus. He is a friendlier face to the same monster that claims to be God.

Christians think they are more spiritually civilized than Jews because their New Testament is more evolved than the primative Old Testament. (Less racism, slavery, and genocide) And to some extent they are right. The New Testament is less rapey and killy. But lets be clear, the New Testament is part two of the Old Testament. If the early Christians wanted their spin off of Judaism to have a chance, they had to make it as much like Judaism as possible or they would have been killed for blasphemy (which says a lot about the Jews at the time.)

I’ve been ripping into the Old Testament for the last week’s worth of articles, and I did it for a reason. That reason was to lay the foundation for the examination of Jesus’ teachings and their deeper meanings.

Yes Jesus might have said things like “turn the other cheek” and “the meek shall inherit the earth”, but there is another much darker side to Christ. That’s the other side of Jesus I am going to talk about today. His dad’s side of the family.

The first thing I would like to do is remind all the Christians out there who think that Christianity so different from Judaism that Jesus never says the laws of the Old Testament no longer apply. He never says that we should stop obeying his father’s wretched rules. In fact he said just the opposite.

Jesus liked the barbaric old ways

Matthew 5:17-19 “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets. I am not come to destroy, but to fulfill. For verily I say unto you, till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven…”

Jesus says he is not here to change any of Yahweh’s laws. He is in fact here to fulfill them. And not only that, he vows to not change the old laws “one jot or tittle” (aka. in the slightest bit) until the end of time. He also said that if you change any one of them and soften it to be a little more civilized, you will be called “the least in the kingdom of heaven”. So I would like all of you cafeteria Christians who love the Bible but ignore the laws about killing gay people, subjugating women, and owning slaves (just to name a few) that according to the Bible when you or your new age pastors change the laws of the Old Testament to suit your modern tastes you are actually making Jesus think less of you.

Matthew 15:13  “…every plant, which my heavenly father hath not planted, shall be rooted up.” (This is a poetic way to talk about the Jew’s national pastime, ethnic cleansing. Any non-Jewish thing must go.)

Luke 1:33 And he shall reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there shall be no end. The House of Jacob is another name for the Israelites. (Remember Jacob was renamed Israel by God.) We see here that Jesus is meant to be the Jewish messiah, the king of the Jews. Jesus loves Judaism. It’s like the family business. And Jesus is all about his dad.

 He talked about his dad a lot. He even mentioned how his Dad killed anyone that he didn’t like. Jesus used to basically say things like, “Yeah, you know Yahweh? Well he’s like totally my dad. And you remember what he did to people he didn’t like, right? So you better watch your ass mister!”

Jesus supported his dad’s mass murders

In Matthew 11:20-24 Jesus condemns entire cities to death and to the eternal torment of hell because they didn’t care for his preaching. “Woe unto thee, Chorazin! Woe unto thee, Bethsaida! And thou, Capernaum…shalt be brought down to hell…it shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom in the day of judgment, than for thee.”

That’s sweet baby Jesus threatening entire cities with death from above. “Remember what God did to Sodom? Well you’re gonna be wishing that you were in Sodom when I’m done with you.”

In Luke 17:26 Jesus speaks about his father’s greatest massacre, The Flood. He says, “As it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man”

He has basically just threatened the entire world with global genocide, again. 

And Luke 17:32 simply says, “Remember Lot’s wife.” You remember. Lot’s wife got turned into a pillar of salt for looking at God’s destruction of her hometown with all of her friends still in it. Jesus wants you to remember that.

Jesus was a racist

Like any good Jew back then Jesus was a racist. In Matthew 10:5-6 he is sending his apostles out to preach, and telling them whom to preach to. These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, “Go not into the way of the Gentiles… go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.”

In particular the Jews (and therefor Jesus) despised the Canaanites (the Palestinians). Here is a prime example of Jesus thinking Canaanites are subhuman.

In Matthew 15:22 a “woman of Canaan” comes up to Jesus when he’s walking around with his apostles and begs him for help saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David. My daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.”

Jesus totally ignores her and keeps on walking. When his buddies ask him why he did not stop to help her he says in Matthew 15:24 “I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.” Here again, racist Jesus says that he is only here to help the Jews.

But it gets worse because this poor desperate woman follows after Jesus begging him to help her and Jesus “Mr. Niceguy” Christ says this. Matthew 15:26 “…It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs.”

Holy shit! This woman is begging him to help her sick daughter, and he says that it is not “meet”, or correct for him to take what he would give to the Jews (the children’s bread) and give it to dogs. (Dogs was a term used for the lesser races, unbelievers, and homosexuals) Jesus basically tells this lady to fuck off because she is less than human. What an asshole!

Sadly there’s more. In Matthew 15:27 the woman actually agrees with him. And she said, “Truth, Lord. Yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their master’s table.”

She essentially said, “You’re right Jesus, I really am less than human. I am a dog.” Then she begs for crumbs off Jesus’ table. And he finally gives her some. After making her beg and then humiliating her, he finally helps her daughter. Prick.

Jesus’ family values

In Matthew 10:34-37 Jesus says that he has come to destroy families by making family members hate each other if they don’t all love him. “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth. I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”

 Jesus is here to tear families apart.

Luke 12:51-52 “Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay, but rather division. For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father; the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother; the mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law, and the daughter- in-law against her mother-in-law.”

Thanks dick. Jesus also thinks it’s cool to bail on your family.

Matthew 19:29 “And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.”

Just leave everyone behind and come join Jesus. He will reward you in heaven.

Mark 10:29-30 “There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, but he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.”  How fucked is that? Jesus says leave your wife and children for my sake and I will give you a family that is 100 times better in heaven. Jesus was just a cult leader like all the rest.

Parabull shit

Occasionally Jesus spoke in parables. Like any good speaker he used metaphor to speak to his audience on an unconscious level. (It is funny that the people who believe in the validity of the Bible cannot see that the whole thing is just one big parable.)  

Sometimes Jesus would tell stories to teach things that he didn’t want everyone to learn. In Matthew 13:10 Some of Jesus’ disciples ask him “Why speakest thou unto them in parables?”

 In Matthew 13:11 he answers them saying, “Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.”

And in Matthew 13:13 Jesus says, “Therefore speak I to them in parables because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.”

He basically admits that his message of salvation is not for everyone, and that he actually wants some people to misunderstand his message. (Well, he succeeded there.)

Again, we are talking about Jesus withholding his personal salvation from people. Here is an even more blatant example. Mark 4:11-12 “Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God. But unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables. That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.”

Jesus fucking Christ! That was a direct quote from Jesus fucking Christ saying that he actually didn’t want some people to perceive or understand his message. But the reason he was hiding his true meaning wasn’t because he was afraid he would get in trouble with the powers that be. Jesus wanted to keep his gospel a secret because he didn’t want the wrong people to be converted and have their sins forgiven. Seriously that is what that passage says. Read it again if you have to. Why would Jesus want to withhold his message of love and salvation from anyone? Isn’t that a hateful and hurtful thing for the Prince of Peace to do? 

In Luke 19:27 Jesus is speaking in a parable about a king (aka Jesus) who says, “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.” This was not just a story. Jesus was talking about himself. He was using metaphor and multi-level communication to speak directly to the unconscious mind of his followers. The unconscious mind is of course the realm of our beliefs.

Here is another rather un-subtle metaphor. In Matthew 7:19 he says, “Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.” How’s that for a parable?

 It is so funny to hear Christians talking about a fictional character that they think is real speaking in parable. How do Christians decide what is a story and what is real? And why can’t they see that the whole thing is a just a story some people wrote a long time ago?

The next two events from Jesus’ life, which I am about to share with you, are not parables. They are supposed to have actually happened in the life of Christ.

The fig tree

Matthew 21:19-20 And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, “Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever.” And presently the fig tree withered away. And when the disciples saw it, they marveled, saying, “How soon is the fig tree withered away!”

Jesus came upon a fig tree that was out of season and he got so pissed that he used his magical powers to make sure no fruit ever grew on it again. Then suddenly it began to wither away before their very eyes.

But then Jesus tells his disciples something even stupider than killing a tree that is out of season. Matthew 21:21 “Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done. And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”

What a load of shit. First he kills someone else’s perfectly good tree and then he lies to his followers and says if they “have faith and doubt not” that not only will they have super tree-killing powers, but also that their prayers no matter what they are will be answered. Jesus says that if they all preyed to have a mountain removed that he would answer their prayers. Poppycock! (I am running out of expletives and we still have a long way to go.)

This amazing arborcidal tale is retold in Mark 11:12-24. To summarize it says, he was hungry and he found nothing but leaves for the time of figs was not yet. Then Jesus says to the tree “No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever.”

And then somehow in the very next line next line Jesus is in the temple in Jerusalem flipping the tables of the moneychangers. This is the classic moment where Jesus actually gets mad and looses his temper. But we can see from the fig incident that Jesus was already having a grumpy day. When they left the city the next day they passed the tree again and saw the fig tree dried up from the roots.

Jesus was obviously having a bad day, but did he need to take it out on that poor fig tree? And more importantly, think of all the people who would not be able to eat those figs because Jesus threw a hissy fit.

Demon pigs

Jesus exorcised demons out of some people, and then he cast the demons into a herd of swine. The swine then ran violently off a cliff into the water and drowned.

Matthew 8:32 And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine, and behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.

Mark 5:13 And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine. And the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, they were about two thousand, and were choked in the sea.

And just in cast you didn’t believe the other two accounts, here’s one more. Luke 8:33 Then went the devils out of the man, and entered into the swine. And the herd ran violently down a steep place into the lake, and were choked. (One version says the pigs jumped into the sea, and another gospel says they jumped into a lake. I would make a big deal out of this inconsistency, but that is the least of the contradictions in the Bible.)

Couldn’t Jesus have just exorcised the demons and sent them to hell or whatever? Why did he have to cast them into a herd of swine? Someone else’s herd of swine no less. That probably represented at least one person’s entire livelihood, but they don’t matter because Jesus needed to fill the pigs with demons so they could go crazy and jump off a cliff. This book is insane.

Hypocrisies

Matthew 15:1-7. One time the Pharisees (the “powers that be” in the Jewish establishment at the time) confront Jesus about why his disciples transgress the tradition of the elders. For they wash not their hands when they eat bread. (Yes Jesus’ disciples apparently didn’t wash their hands before they ate). Jesus replies, “Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother, and He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death….thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition…Ye Hypocrites.”

Unbelievable. The elders asked Jesus about why his friends didn’t follow tradition and wash their hands before they ate, and Jesus comes back at them with “Well, why aren’t you killing your children when they talk back, you hypocrites”? Disgusting. So Jesus is basically saying I will follow the traditions of my father and wash my hands before I eat if you follow the traditions of my father and kill your children whey they are being rebellious.

 In Mark 7:9-10 Jesus again criticizes the Pharisees for not killing their disobedient children according to Old Testament law. 

Jesus calls these people hypocrites but he was a hypocrite too. (To be clear, I am sure that I am a somewhat of a hypocrite in one way or another, but I am not claiming to be the Son of God. Yet.)

Here is just one of my favorite examples of Jesus’ hypocrisy. He told his followers not to call anyone a fool. Matthew 5:22 “whosoever shall say, ‘Thou fool’, shall be in danger of hell fire.” That’s pretty clear. Don’t call anyone fool or you are in danger of going to hell. (Somebody tell Mr. T)

But then of course Jesus goes on to call his critics and disciples fools on multiple occasions. Matthew 23:17 “Ye fools and blind! For whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?” And again two lines later in Matthew 23:19 “Ye fools and blind! For whether is greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift?” And one here’s one more for the hypocritical hat trick. Luke 11:40 “Ye fools, did not he that made that which is without make that which is within also?”

Then there is also the little matter of Jesus’ resurrection. According to the Bible he came to earth to die for our sins, but according to the Bible he didn’t actually die. And not only that, he knew ahead of time that he would be resurrected. Matthew 26:32 and Mark 14:28 both say, “But after I am risen again, I will go before you in Galilee”

He knew he was going to die a gruesome death. That’s why he was created. But isn’t it kind of cheating that he also knew he would be resurrected? If he just thought the whole time that he would die for our sins and that would be that, then I could see his crucifixion as a being a real sacrifice. But since he knows he is just going to be alive three days later, doesn’t it kind of cheapen the whole affair? I mean if he didn’t really die then he didn’t really die for anyone’s sins, did he? Well maybe he died for people’s sins for a few days but then he was alive again, better than ever. How is that a sacrifice?

Commandment breaking

Jesus seems to think he is above the same Mosaic laws he endorses.

For any of you who think that Jesus is God you are breaking the 1^st Commandment, which clearly states that you shall have no other gods except Yahweh.

The 2^nd Commandment states that you shall make no graven images. What image could be more graven than a crucifix? It is grim and it’s graven. And while I know that Jesus himself might not have broken this commandment, his followers sure do. They literally idolize Jesus. If you have a crucifix in your house, or a picture of Jesus in your wallet, or even a fish symbol on your car, you are breaking the 2^nd Commandment.

According to the Bible, Jesus and his disciples definitely broke the 3^rd Commandment. The one that says “Keep the Sabbath holy.”

 Mark 2:23 And it came to pass, that he went through the cornfields on the Sabbath day and his disciples began, as they went, to pluck the ears of corn. And the Pharisees said unto him, “Behold, why do they do on the Sabbath day that which is not lawful?”

Jesus himself breaks the 3^rd Commandment in spectacular style. He healed a blind person on a Saturday and got in trouble for working on the Sabbath. (I guess working miracles still counts as work on Sabbath.)

John 9:16 Therefore said some of the Pharisees, “This man is not of God, because he keepeth not the Sabbath day.” Others said, “How can a man that is a sinner do such miracles?” And there was a division among them.

How fucked up are the Jews that Jesus instantly cures someone’s blindness but since it was on a Saturday they can only view it as is a crime against God. (And remember, that the punishment for “working” on a Saturday is death.) Nice religion Jews. You’re so blind you can’t see how blind you are.

Jesus repeatedly urged people to break the 5^th commandment. He did it in all of the verses quoted in the “Jesus’ family values” section above, but here is another example for good measure.

Luke 14:26 “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.”  That is pretty straightforward. And yes, the penalty for breaking the 5^th commandment is also death.

Jesus might not have broken the 6^th commandment “thou shalt not kill” when he was alive (although he did kind of kill himself), but he will break the 6^th commandment when he comes back, because as we will see, it is Jesus who will return at Armageddon to kill all the sinners and unbelievers.

Judgey McJudgerson

Speaking of The Last Judgment, Jesus famously said in Matthew 7:1 “Judge not lest ye be judged.” I guess that rule, like so many others, does not apply to him. Because he sets himself up to be the ultimate judge.

Matthew 25:31-32 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory, and before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats. Sound’s pretty judgy to me.

And now we are getting into my real problem with Jesus. It’s not the fact that he was a hypocrite, or that he killed trees and pigs. The thing about Jesus that I think sucks the most is that Jesus brought us hell.

Him or hell

At least on the Old Testament when you died your suffering ended, but Jesus is here to let you know that unless you get right with him, when you die your suffering has only just begun. Jesus used the threat of eternal damnation to really get people’s attention. Because if you can get someone to believe that they are going to hell, and then you convince them that worshiping you is the only way to avoid eternal torture, then you’ve got yourself a nice little business model there.

That is the choice Jesus gives us. Him or hell.

The presupposition in the thought that Jesus is the only way to heaven is that Jesus is also he only way you can stay out of hell. He has placed himself at the crossroads of your soul, and you must answer one “yes or no” question, which will determine your eternal fate. (And the very worst part is that the default answer you are born with is that you are going to hell.) Jesus would have you believe that you are born damned, broken, and in desperate need of fixing, and then he makes you choose between subservience to him (and his father), or burning in hell forever. That shit is straight-up evil.

Seriously my biggest problem with this Jesus character is that he claims to be the only way to an afterlife that does not involve torture. A big part of why I am doing all of this is so people can see that the overarching myth of Jesus is sick at its core, because it implies that the world itself is sick at its core. The Jesus myth tells us that the universe is corrupt, and God had to kill his son for us so we could live forever. (How the fuck does that make any sense?)

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 

God loved the world so that much he “gave” (aka murdered) his only son? That is insane. Couldn’t God come up with a better way to give everlasting life to the people of the world he supposedly loved? Is this really the best solution God could come up with?

John 3:17 says, For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.

OK. God didn’t send his son to condemn the world. That’s nice. It almost seems like good news, but wait, here comes the rub. The next line says this.

John 3:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

That is what really makes Jesus (and his dad) so truly evil. “He that believeth not is condemned already!” So the big picture here is that Jesus wasn’t sent to condemn people because everyone is already born condemned.  Jesus just happens to be the only was to un-condemn your eternal soul. That part right there means that anyone who does not believe Jesus Christ is the “only begotten Son of God” gets condemned to hell forever, by default.

That statement alone means that most of the people ever born are either already in, or are going to, hell. Everyone throughout history (Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Atheists, Native Americans, Vikings etc.) who never accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and scapegoat are all swimming in fire right now. Forever.

Matthew 7:13-14 “…for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in there… narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.”

So there you have it. In Jesus’ own words, most people are going to hell. All because Jesus claims to be the only way into heaven.

John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” With that one line Jesus establishes his spiritual monopoly and damns billions of people to hell. Well fuck you Jesus, and fuck your fucking father too.

Jesus has set himself up as the only game in town, and if you don’t buy in you are screwed. Mark 16:16 “He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved, but he that believeth not shall be damned.”

Believe in me or be damned. Is that the word of a loving God?

And the sickest part is that Jesus “Mr. Forgiveness” Christ, the guy who brought you such sound bites as “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, is the one personally throwing your ass into hell.

Matthew 13:41-42 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity, and shall cast them into a furnace of fire. There shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

And last but not least, there is The Unforgivable Sin. I have written extensively about this. Please follow the link to learn more. Suffice it to say there is one sin Jesus will not forgive, ever. Jesus is “recorded” in three different gospels saying that all manner of sin will be forgiven except the blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Basically the only sin Jesus doesn’t forgive is the sin of not believing in him and his bullshit spiritual scam.

Much like his fucked-up father Jesus is jealous and vengeful. In both Matthew 12:30 and Luke 11:23 he gives us this threat which really says it all, “He that is not with me is against me”. Does that sound familiar? Because it sure sounds the line George W. Bush he used when he was threatening to go to war with the Iraq. “You’re either with us, or you’re with the terrorists.” But with Jesus its “Either your with me or I send you to hell forever.”

That ultimatum is the dark side of Jesus. That is the case I am making against him. What is implied in the concept of “Jesus” is that we are all already condemned. We are born damned. We are born corrupt and going to hell. And the only way to avoid hell is to find Jesus, the king of the Jews. Fuck that shit.

The Prince of Peace tells everyone there is a hell, and that we are all automatically going there unless we believe in him. He tells people that they are sick and that he is the one and only vaccine. He has convinced people that he is the cure, but he is actually the disease.

And in conclusion ladies and gentlemen of the jury…

I would like to point out that Jesus did not come up with The Golden Rule. The concept of “Do unto others” was around for hundreds of years before Christ. 1300 years before Jesus it was in the Old Testament in the book of Leviticus “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (The Jews clearly did not follow that rule when it came to how they treated non-Jews) In the year 560 BC Buddha said, “Hurt not others with that which pains yourself.” In the year 600 BC Zoroastrianism said, “Whatever is disagreeable to yourself, do not do unto others.” Confucius said in 557BC “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do unto others.” Jesus’ best lines were not particularly original, and he did not have a copyright on the concept of being nice.

It is also very much worth noting that no one wrote anything about Jesus while he was alive. No one. Not even Jesus himself. Why wouldn’t the Son of God write anything down? Was he illiterate? Writing had existed for thousands of years, but Jesus couldn’t be bothered to write down his precious message? He came all the way to earth but he didn’t even leave a note. Couldn’t he have at least had one of his disciples take dictation? And how is it that none of the local secular historians at the time, (of which there were many) wrote down that a rebel Jew was working miracles in Jerusalem, and then he came back from the dead. You’d think that would make the news.

Jesus didn’t write anything down because he didn’t exist. There may have been a man named Yeshua Ben Joseph who lived from around 70 BC to 9 BC. Apparently he even got crucified for being a thief, but his life story got hijacked and became a sci-fi/fantasy novel “based on true events”.

Jesus was a clearly a composite of various myths, from Osiris to Mithras. The Gospels are theological allegories, and not historical texts. They were written well after Jesus had supposedly died. Jesus was the result of religious syncretism, or mashing up different beliefs and schools of thought. The council of Nicaea created the divine character of Jesus The Christ somewhere between the years 310 and 325 AD, when the very first “Bible” was being put together. They did this in order to unite various religions of the Roman Empire. They basically created a “state religion” with the new Jesus character at the head. Any writings like the Gnostic texts, or the Dead Sea Scrolls that portrayed Jesus as just a man were intentionally left out of the Bible when people were editing it. And yes we all know that the Bible was edited many times by many men who were interested in controlling the religious narrative for political purposes. Which only goes to prove how little of the Bible you can actually trust as being factual.

If you believe Jesus was a real person that did all of these miraculous things, then you are choosing to believe a myth. You are mistaking (mythtaking) a metaphor for the real thing. That in itself would not concern me. Like I’ve said many times before, believe whatever you want to believe. Just keep it out of the government. 

I have also said this before, but it bares repeating. The Judeo-Christian mythos states that we are all born sinners in the eyes of God, and the only way for us to avoid the hell we are all destined for is to believe that Jesus is the only way into heaven. If not we are all doomed and damned to eternal torture. That right there is what’s wrong with Jesus.

If Jesus was just some random guy throughout history who said worshiping him was the only way to stay out of hell it would be bad enough. But he is claiming to be a physical manifestation of the God of the Old Testament, and that makes him go from crazy to psycho in my book. (And in their book too.) Because as we have seen, the God of the Bible is a jealous, wrathful, violent psychopath who will slaughter any innocent women and children that get in his way.

Jesus tells us (or more precisely, the church through the character of Jesus tells us) we have a disease and that he is the cure. Your savior will make it all better. He can be the one who is guilty for all of your sins, not you. All it takes is one little belief (when you let the Jesus parasite into your mind and say “Yes” to his demonic bargain) and POOF you are magically no longer responsible for your deeds in the eyes of God. Rape someone? No biggie. Kill a few people? No prob. Just give it to Jesus and you are a shoe-in for heaven. Jesus is the patsy you can pin all your sins on. Let the Lamb of God be your scapegoat.

But first you have to lose responsibility for your own spirit. First you have to accept your guilt for being born. First you have to admit to your Original Sin. First you have to believe in the hell that you were born into. First you must accept that Jesus fucking Christ is the only way to get into heaven. Then and only then will your soul be allowed to go to an afterlife that doesn’t consist of perpetual pain.

I refuse to believe that God had to commit suicide by crucifix in order to show me how much he loves me. I refuse to believe God needs an innocent person to die for the original sin I am not guilty of. The whole concept is fucked. It makes no sense, and believers know it. That’s why they fall back on their trusty ol’ “Faith”.

Is this really all humanity can come up with for inspiration and connection with God, aka The Universe? Is a gruesome capital punishment that happened thousands of years ago the best that we can do? ISN’T IT TIME WE PULLED HUMANITY’S PSHCHE DOWN OFF THAT FUCKING CROSS? Can’t we just wake up from this 2000-year-old nightmare and move on. How is it that one person being tortured to death is the central and defining event in human history? This whole thing is as preposterous as it is monstrous, (and vice versa).

I assure you dear reader that this article’s end is neigh, but I have a few more questions before it’s all said and done. Not the least of which is, where is Jesus now? Seriously. Where the fuck is he?

He said he would be right back in Luke 21:32 “Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass away, till all be fulfilled.”

Jesus said there were people alive at the time he was living that would see him come back and fulfill all his prophesies. But it has been 100 generations since we heard a peep out of Captain Messiah. Is he busy on other planets saving aliens? Is he just up in heaven enjoying the show? Where was he during the crusades? Where was he during the inquisition? Where was he when the Christians were wiping out the native cultures in the western hemisphere? Where was he when the Catholic Church was institutionally molesting children? Where was he then? Testing the victim’s faith? Fuck you.

And where is he now? He could come back at any time. What is he waiting for? For things to get even worse? Either he hasn’t come back because he is disinterested or because he likes things just the way they are. He is either powerless to come back and live up to his word, or he thinks things are just fine the way they are.

Jesus, like his father is nowhere to be found, because that is where he has always been. If he cares so much where the fuck is he? He is not coming back. Why would anyone even think that he possibly could or would? Because you read it in a book? Come on.

He is a character in a story. If you are a happen to be Christian, chances are when you were young some people gave you some candy and told you that once upon a time a nice man named Jesus Christ died on a cross to redeem you of your sins so you can go to heaven, and you believed them.

But I didn’t believe them, because I asked questions like: How does someone dying on cross redeem me of my sins? How can someone die for someone else’s sins? How does that work exactly? Through what channels,  mechanism or medium does that interaction take place? Does the “Jesus died for my sins” thing only work if Jesus is God’s son? If he was just some guy could he still die for my sins?

If Jesus came to sacrifice himself on the cross for us, didn’t he really come to commit suicide? Isn’t that a sin? And isn’t Judas who felt so guilty for betraying Jesus that he hung himself actually a great hero in this story? Without the crucifixion we can’t have our sins redeemed by Jesus’ sacrifice. So if the crucifixion was all according to God’s plan then isn’t Judas an integral part of that plan? Jesus even knew Judas would betray him, and he called it ahead of time. He was counting on it! So isn’t Judas a hero? Weren’t the Jews and Romans that brutally tortured Jesus to death really just doing us all a huge favor? What if those people refused to kill him? Would he still be running around Jerusalem desperately begging to be murdered for the future sins of mankind?

How crazy would Jesus seem right now? A guy comes to town and claims his mom is a virgin. Then he tells everyone his dad is God, and that he is going to get killed in the electric chair to redeem the sins of people in the year 4126.

I could keep going, but I think I have made my case. (And then some)

I will conclude by simply saying that my problem with Jesus whether he was fictional, or partially factual, is not what he did or what he said, but what he means. And I am not talking about what he means when he says words. I am talking about what he means. He means God is a sick fuck. He means you were born evil. He means eternity in hell for most of the people who have ever lived.

Jesus may be your savior, but the fact is he’s only here to save you from himself.

When the Jews got to the Promised Land they were not surprised to find other people living there. Luckily their God had to given them the OK to commit genocide. It is really that simple.

These people who have famously been the victim of a recent attempted genocide have a long history of committing these atrocities themselves. In fact the Jews are so proud of their war crimes that they write about it in their holiest of Scriptures. The Old testament is the story of the Jews making a name for themselves through violence and ethnic cleansing.

That is not my opinion. That is a fact. And I will prove it to you using their own word of God.

This is the last of the articles that I knew would really inspire my rancor. There were three topics that I held off on writing about until I was good and ready for them. They were racism, slavery and genocide. (Oh my!)

My blood is up, I’m ready to plow thorough this mountain of evil shit. So lets get this thing started. I’ll see you on the other side… of genocide.

In this first verse God tells his chosen ones what he will do for them if they follow the commandments he has just given them. Exodus 34:10 And he said, “Behold, I make a covenant: before all thy people I will do marvels, such as have not been done in all the earth, nor in any nation and all the people among which thou art shall see the work of the LORD, for it is a terrible thing that I will do with thee.”

God says that if the Jews do what he commands them then his end of the covenant will be to “do marvels” the world has never seen before. But even more interesting than that is the last line where he admits, “it is a terrible thing that I will do with thee.” I couldn’t agree more.

He goes on to say in Exodus 34:11 “Observe thou that which I command thee this day. Behold, I drive out before thee the Amorite, and the Canaanite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, and the Hivite, and the Jebusite.”

God is saying that he will drive out all of the other people who are currently living in the land he has promised to his people. (Couldn’t he have just promised his people some land that wasn’t already occupied? What is so special about that patch of dirt? Why does Yahweh need his people to be there so badly? Why couldn’t God, The Creator Of Heaven And Earth, have just made the earth a little bigger so there was room for everyone?)

Exodus 34:12 “Take heed to thyself, lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land whither thou goest, lest it be for a snare in the midst of thee.”

God is warning the Jews to not make any covenants with any of the people in the Promised Land. Not only because they might lure the Jews in with their heathen ways, but also because God is demanding that those people be wiped from the face of the earth.

Exodus 34:13 “But ye shall destroy their altars, break their images, and cut down their groves.”

It is not enough to “drive out” the non-Jews from their homeland, God demands that all trace of their culture be destroyed and broken. He even commands the Jews to cut down all the trees.

But why? Why does the God of the Jews demand ethnic cleansing? Well, you couldn’t get a better answer than this Exodus 34:14 “For thou shalt worship no other god. For the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous” God.

Wow. Just wow.

That says it all right there. Remember, the 1st  Commandment was “Thou shalt have no other Gods before me”. It not-so-subtly hinted at Yahweh’s egomaniacal insecurity, but here he just comes right out and says he’s jealous. God actually says his name is Jealous. How insane is that?! You are fucking GOD, what is there to be jealous of? Clearly you are just the God of low self-esteem.

In the book of Numbers, God tells the Jews to go and attack the Midianites. The Jews “slew” all of the men, but left the women and the little boys and girls alive. Then the Jews burned their cities and “took all their spoil, and all the prey, both of men and of beasts”. Then they brought all the captives back to Moses at their camp.

Moses got really pissed (“wroth”) at the captains when they came back from battle. He scolds them in Numbers 31:15 And Moses said unto them, “Have ye saved all the women alive?”

Moses had commanded the captains to take no prisoners, he was upset when he saw that there were survivors. So then he says two of the worst lines in the Bible.

Numbers 31:17 “Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known a man by lying with him…”

Yup. Moses, the hero of the Jewish religion just told his soldiers to go and kill all the little boys that they had captured. And he also commands them to kill all of the women who have been with a man (aka the mothers). What a sick piece of shit Moses was. What a disgusting fucking asshole. Oh but wait it gets worse.

Numbers 31:18 “…but all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.”

Now, not only does God’s mouthpiece Moses command his soldiers to kill defenseless women and little boys, he also says to keep the virgin girls for themselves. (Maybe they think its not Genocide if you keep the little girls alive as sex-slaves) Moses makes his men murder children, and then he gives them permission to rape children. Young girls whose only crime was being alive, whose families have just been slaughtered before their very eyes, are all now merely the possessions of these savage Jews, because God said so.

Speaking of God’s mouthpiece, in the following verses we see how the orders for these genocides came down the line.

Numbers 33:50-53 And the LORD spake unto Moses in the plains of Moab by Jordan near Jericho, saying, “Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, when ye are passed over Jordan into the land of Canaan. Then ye shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, and destroy all their pictures, and destroy all their molten images, and quite pluck down all their high places. And ye shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land, and dwell therein for I have given you the land to possess it.

Dispossess the inhabitants of the promised land, because I have given it to you! And destroy their culture while you’re at it! That is textbook genocidal ethnic cleansing.

I will keep coming back to this point as I continue shine a light on this sinister scripture. This shit is in the Bible. I am not making this stuff up. It’s right there for all the world to see. The Jews in these stories are heinous war criminals, and the pious people of today pass their atrocities off as divine acts of God.

And we are just getting started.

In Deuteronomy 7:2 God again lays out how he wants the Jews to deal with the people who are living in the land they have been commanded to steal. “And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee, thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them. Thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them”. 

Utterly destroy them and show them no mercy?! The only crime these people committed was the fact that they lived somewhere the Jews wanted to live, and they worshiped different gods (aka. they were’t Jews). For that unforgivable offense they received merciless destruction at the hands of the Hebrews.

Here the line about destroying their culture and cutting down their trees is repeated again, Deuteronomy 7:5 “But thus shall ye deal with them. Ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire”. 

Why do the Jews think they are so goddamned special? What makes these hateful people think that they should commit wanton acts of genocide in order to steal land that belongs to other people?

Here it is in God’s own words. Deuteronomy 7:6 “For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God. The LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a special people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.”

There we have it. The excuse for all of this wickedness. It wasn’t our idea, God told us to do it. Fuuuuuck you. Fuck you and the God you rode in on.

And in case you missed it the first two times, God has more instructions on how to go about murdering innocent men, women, and children. Deuteronomy 7:16 And thou shalt consume all the people which the LORD thy God shall deliver thee. Thine eye shall have no pity upon them, neither shalt thou serve their gods for that will be a snare unto thee.

Don’t just kill all the people who happen to be living in the land I promised you, consume them. Show them no pity. Well then I don’t know why the Jews expect any pity for what they have gone through in recent years. It seems like turnabout’s fair play to me. It’s like they always say, “live by the pitiless genocide, die by the pitiless genocide.”

And once again we have God warning the Hebrews to not worship any other Gods because they will be a trap for them. Jealousy is a stinky cologne.

And in case the Jews were feeling any fear while heading off to cut the throats of little boys and old women, Deuteronomy 7:21 “Thou shalt not be affrighted at them for the LORD thy God is among you, a mighty God and terrible.”

“A mighty God” my mighty white ass! How mighty is an admittedly jealous God. Not very. And If the LORD is so terribly mighty why does he need the Jews to do his dirty work for him? Couldn’t he just throw down some fire and brimstone like with Sodom and Gomorrah? Couldn’t he throw some hail on the inhabitants of the Promised Land? How the fuck is it that God could send his angel of death to slaughter thousands and thousands of Egypt’s firstborn sons, but he cant just kill all the people who live in the Promised Land himself. Why does God need the Jews to kill anyone for him? Or is this like some sick gang initiation where you have to just kill whichever innocent person the gang leader tells you to in order to prove your loyalty? Either way God is mighty terrible.

And here is some more murder porn care of God. Deuteronomy 7:23 “But the LORD thy God shall deliver them unto thee, and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until they be destroyed.”

Destroy them with a mighty destruction until they be destroyed? What kind of talk is that? Hey Yahweh, fuck you with a mighty fucking until ye be fucked.

Here are some more instructions from God on how to deal with people who don’t believe in him (aka how to ethnically cleanse non-Jewish cultures). Deuteronomy 13:15-16 “Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. And thou shalt gather all the spoil of it into the midst of the street thereof, and shalt burn with fire the city, and all the spoil thereof every whit for the LORD thy God. And it shall be an heap for ever; it shall not be built again.”

God says, “Kill everyone, and then put everything they owned into a pile and burn it for me”. Nice. And I’d just like to point out that every time the Bible says “by the edge of the sword “ it means that each one of the hundreds of thousands of victims had to be killed up close and personal. All these genocides happened by hand. You had to mean that shit. It’s one thing to sit in a bunker firing missiles, and it is quite another thing to chop someone to pieces with a big knife.

But wait, the God of love has more to say about how to deal with cities, or cultures that do not worship him. Deuteronomy 20:13-14 “And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword, but the women, the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself.”

“The women and the little ones”. The little ones! Imagine if you will the hundreds of thousands of women and little ones that the Jews kidnapped and enslaved after killing all of their husbands, fathers and brothers. Imagine all of the women and little ones who were forced to watch their families slaughtered, and were then made to service these evil fucking Jews.

And if you think I am being harsh by calling these evil fucking Jews “evil fucking Jews”, then answer me this. What kind of religion would have a line like this in its holiest of scriptures? Deuteronomy 20:16 “But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth. But thou shalt utterly destroy them. Namely, the Hittites, and the Amorites, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee. 

That is fucking evil. That’s all there is to it. That is the God of the Jews, quoted from the Jew’s own holy book, telling the Jews in his own words that he wants them, nay commands them, to go and kill every member of six separate cultures. He tells them in no uncertain terms that he wants them to kill everything that breathes. God gave the Jews land that belonged to other people, and then he gave them the order to kill every last one of them. I mean we are talking about full-on ethnic cleansing being bragged about in the Bible. There is no other way to look at it. (No sensible way anyways)

But since the God of the Bible isn’t real and never was, what we really have here are Jewish humans thousands of years ago trying to give religious reasons for their genocidal land grabbing. (That sentence is worth re-reading) And not only that, they have left this evil shit in the Torah throughout recorded history. That makes them evil fucking Jews. Case closed.

Think about it, the universe was created in Genesis, book one of the Bible. (There are 39 books in the Old Testament) God freed his chosen people from slavery in Exodus, which is book two of the Bible. And here in book five of the Bible the Jews are already calling for all out genocide of other races. Maybe these people should have stayed slaves.

Remember, all of the awful shit I am saying has been taken directly out of the Old Testament. We are only five books into the Bible and already it already sounds like something Adolph Hitler might have written. Sweet Irony.

Oh boy my ire is fired up now, and there are unfortunately many more instances of intolerance to illuminate in the rest of the outdated and hateful Old Testament

God promises to “drive out” even more tribes and cultures from their land. And he even tells the Israelites to divvy it up amongst themselves. Joshua 13:6 “All the inhabitants of the hill country from Lebanon unto Misrephothmaim, and all the Sidonians, them will I drive out from before the children of Israel. Only divide thou it by lot unto the Israelites for an inheritance, as I have commanded thee.”

The God of hostile takeovers continues in Joshua 23:5 “And the LORD your God, he shall expel them from before you, and drive them from out of your sight, and ye shall possess their land, as the LORD your God hath promised unto you.” 

It was all about a land grab for these people. How can God promise anyone land? And where the fuck is this God now? The same place he ever was, in the mind of sick people. People infected with a mind virus. They have been taken over by a spiritual parasite that makes you think hate is love, and love is death. But yet again I digress. On with the shit show.

The beginning of 1 Samuel 15 pretty much says it all. It tells of how a man named Samuel gave orders to a man named Saul. Samuel says that God told him he wants Saul to be king of the Israelites. And Samuel gives some orders so Saul that God gave him. The orders are about how to get vengeance on the Amalekites.

1 Samuel 15:1 Samuel also said unto Saul, “The LORD sent me to anoint thee to be king over his people, over Israel. Now therefore hearken thou unto the voice of the words of the LORD”

(This is literally a guy saying that he heard it from a guy.)

1 Samuel 15:2 Thus saith the LORD of hosts, “I remember that which Amalek did to Israel, How he laid in wait for him in the way, when he came up from Egypt”

Amalek was the grandson of Esau. Remember Esau was Jacob’s twin brother from whom Jacob stole the birthright of the Promised Land. For being such a conniving scumbag God then renamed Jacob “Israel”. (Please read Israel Was A Real Asshole for the full story.)

The event the Jews were getting revenge for was hundreds of years earlier, all the way back in Exodus 17:8 Then came Amalek, and fought with Israel in Rephidim. This battle was the Jews’ first battle since their deliverance from bondage. It was a long time ago, even back then. But God doesn’t forget, and he has all the time in the world.

And finally, in 1 Samuel 15:3 Samuel tells Saul, “Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them no, but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass.”

Ho-lee shit! Yes, you read that right. It says go kill everyone. Slay the infants! FUCK YOU JEWS WHO THINK THIS IS HOLY! How much more evil could something be?

The two options here are either this was a crazy person giving orders to another crazy person. Or this was the actual word of an insane God. Either way it’s in the fucking Bible. And the bad news is that they did it. The Bible says that “Saul smote the Amalekites” and “utterly destroyed the people with the edge of the sword”.

But after killing everyone, (man, woman, infant, and fucking suckling) Saul spares the king of the Amalekites and the best of the livestock.Here is where things get even worse if you can imagine it.

Remember how earlier Moses was upset that his soldiers had let the women live? Well here God does the same thing, but worse. God gets pissed that Saul has let anyone or anything live at all. 1 Samuel 15:10-11 Then came the word of the LORD unto Samuel, saying “It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king for he is turned back from following me, and hath not performed my commandments”. And it grieved Samuel, and he cried unto the LORD all night.

God says he’s sorry, but not for wiping out an entire people (babies and all) for something that had happened hundreds of years before. No, God is sorry he chose Saul to be the king of his people because Saul did not follow his orders to the letter when he said KILL’EM ALL! God and Samuel were so upset that Saul let one person and some livestock survive the genocide that they cried together all night long.

This book gets worse and worse. There is no amount of psalms or folksy sayings that can justify this books existence. There is no way that anything in the Old Testament makes up for this evil bullshit. And any Christians that carry the Old Testament around with them in their pernicious “Good Book” are equally culpable for promoting this ugly, hateful nonsense.

Ok I think I need to try and wrap this up. Sadly I could easily go on for another few thousand words, but instead I will give you some highlights of the lowlights of the Old Testament.

Genesis 19:24 The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. We can be certain that all the infants and toddlers in that city were not wicked, but God personally killed every single one of them anyway.

Joshua 6:21 The destruction of Jericho. This was the first battle of the Israelites in their conquest of Canaan. The Israelites took no slaves or plunder. They just killed every man, woman and child. “And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword.”

Samuel 27:8-9 The genocide of the Geshurites, the Gezrites, (and somehow the Amalekites again). In this genocide “David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive.”

2 Samuel 5:25 The massacre of the Philistines.

2 Samuel 8:2 Killing two thirds of the Moabites and making the rest slaves.

1 Kings 20:28 The children of Israel kill 100,000 Syrians in one day because they said the Israelites worshiped a God of the hills, but not a God of the valleys. Seriously, that’s what it says.

2 Kings 10:19-27 The slaughter of every member of the religion of Baal.

2 Chronicles 28:6 120,000 killed in Judah “because they had forsaken the LORD God of their fathers.” Now we are talking about Jews killing Jews for the crime of sedition! 120,000, in one day!

And of course we can’t forget the granddaddy of them all, the first and the worst genocide in the Bible… The Great Flood where God killed everyone on earth except 8 Jews.

Within the pages of the Old Testament we see many rules and regulations that Jews must follow. Like every religion these unique characteristics set them apart and help to bond as a group. That’s fine with me. Have your imaginary friends and your traditions. Just keep it out of the government. Keep your fantasy out of the real world.

Genocide is the ultimate example of religion running rampant in the real world. Slaughtering men women and children because someone wrote in a book that someone else heard a voice in their head that said God says to take that land over there and kill everyone on it.

That’s like me hearing a voice in my head that says if I remove one testicle and only eat potatoes then God will give me and my friends the promised land of Malibu, California. This voice in my head tells me that there are people living there already, and that I need to kill them because they are kooks, (aka “heathens”). The voice in my head has chosen me to claim Malibu for my own. So my friends and I drive up Pacific Coast Highway killing every man woman and child. But it’s OK because it wasn’t my idea. After all, God told me to do it.

I know that I am on a particularly vitriolic rant right now, but this is the core of it all. The crux if you will. The opinions I am giving and the vulgarity I am using to fucking vent could in no way be the worst things about this article.

The fact that every piece of genocidal hate speech I have written here was pulled directly from the Bible is fucking insane!

The Jews always play the holocaust card. But in their own holiest of books they celebrate the wholesale slaughter of millions of non-Jewish people (And we know how much they love wholesale. Rimshot!) And we are not just talking about killing people. We are talking about the Jews making a concerted effort to completely destroy other people’s cultures. By their own admission they ethnically cleansed the Levant. And sadly they seem to be doing the same thing today.

Do I think that any Jew should be punished for the wrong doings of these Jews in the Bible. Hell no! Obviously I do not think that the Jews in concentration camps deserved to be there because thousands of years ago other Jews committed their own atrocities. Punishing people for the sins of their ancestors is the kind of stupid thing Yahweh would do.

I am simply pointing out that the Jews slew in their way into the Promised Land. (And they are doing it to this very day.) They have a gory history of gentile genocide and ethnic cleansing. And as if that wasn’t enough they claim that God not only inspired it, but he helped them do it. Together they have willfully murdered hundreds of thousands (perhaps millions) of innocent men, women and, children. Then they celebrated wiping those peoples’ cultures off the face of the earth by putting it in their holiest of books. That shit is fucking evil.

It didn’t take them long to go from Genesis to genocide, and the only reason I know that is because I read it in the Bible.

I know the title of this article might seem harsh or shocking. But I mean it, because (if the Bible is to be believed) Israel was a real person, and he was a real asshole. But this lying, thieving, scumbag didn’t start out as Israel, he started out as Jacob.

Jacob is one of the three patriarchs of the Jewish religion. (The three patriarchs are Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob) He is known as the father of the 12 tribes of Israel. In this article I will show you what a conniving, low down, dirty shyster this character was. But first a little back-story.

Jacob’s grandfather was Abraham. The Abraham. The guy Yahweh supposedly made his initial covenant with. God promised Abraham the land of Canaan (which belonged to someone else at the time), and in return God demanded that all males be circumcised on the 8th day of their life. (And that alone should tell you how evil God is. He “gives” his chosen people land that is not theirs, and in return he demands infant genital mutilation. Repugnant. Re-fucking-pugnant.)

Abraham had a son named Isaac. Apparently the name Isaac means “he laughs”. This is in reference to the fact that when Abraham and his wife Sarah (his half-sister) were told by God that they would have a child “when they were old, and well stricken in age”, they laughed. (And if you would also like a laugh, the Bible says Sarah was 90 and Abraham was 100 years old when they had their son Isaac.)

On the 8^th day after his birth Isaac was circumcised. (I don’t think “He Laughs” was laughing then)

When Abraham dies Isaac inherits all of Abraham’s posessions, including God’s covenant and the “right” to the Promised Land. Isaac eventually marries a woman named Rebekah (his cousin) and they are married for a long time but have no children because she is barren (of course it is never the men in the Bible who are sterile). So Isaac preys to God for children. Back then God was actually answering prayers so he sees to it that Rebekah gets pregnant with twins.

As Rebekah is pregnant with the twins she notices that they seem to be fighting in her womb. (Remember, God made these two babies and gave them to her as an answer to her prayers) Rebekah gets worried and cries out to God asking for an explaination for this struggle within her. Here is God’s reply, Genesis 25:23 And the LORD said unto her, “Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels, and the one people shall be stronger than the other people, and the elder shall serve the younger.”

Here we see (YET AGAIN!) that God can’t seem to do anything right. He set up Adam and Eve to fail and then blamed them for ruining everything. Then their sons Cain and Abel make the very first offering to God and immediately one ends up murdering the other. And now we have God unable to make two fetuses where one is not trying to kill the other. He creates babies that fight from the beginning of their existence. What is wrong with God?!

Eventually the twins are born. The first son to come out was covered in a “garment” of red hair. They named him Esau. Esau means “hairy”, or “rough”.

After Esau came Jacob. Jacob was born holding on to the heel of Esau. He was no doubt scrambling to be the first one out. Jacob means “heel catcher” or “leg puller”. (Remember that the father Isaac’s name means “he laughs”, and the son’s name Jacob means “leg puller” and you can begin to get that this whole thing is a sick joke that God is telling.)

Esau became a cunning hunter, a “man of the fields”. Jacob on the other hand was “a plain man, dwelling in tents.” So Esau was a rugged man’s man out there bringing home food for the family, and Jacob just laid around the house all day. For obvious reasons Isaac favored his son Esau, and for some reason Rebekah favored her roustabout son Jacob.

One day Esau comes home empty-handed from a long hunt and he is starving. He sees that Jacob has made a stew, so he tells Jacob that he is faint and asks for some of the stew. Rather than give his brother some food Jacob demands that Esau give him his birthright as a trade for some stew. Genesis 25:31 And Jacob said, “Sell me this day your birthright.” (Giving up his birthright would basically mean forfeiting his inheritance, including the Promised Land)

Genesis 25:32 And Esau said, “Behold, I am at the point to die, and what profit shall this birthright do to me?” Esau is a hunter. He has doubtlessly brought home meal after meal for his lazy brother, but the one time that he comes back from a hunt tired and practically starving to death his piece of shit brother who sits around the house all day forces Esau to give up his birthright for some food. And so Esau, the rightful heir to God’s covenant decides “What good is my birthright if I am dead?” and sells his birthright to his asshole brother for some bread and a bowl of lentil soup. Seriously.

But it gets worse. Much worse.

Eventually Isaac gets old, his eyes grow dim and he knows that he is about to die. So he calls for his eldest son and he asks him to go out on a hunt to bring back some venison. He asks Esau to make him some “savory meat, such as I love”, and bring it to him so that he may then give Esau his final blessing during this last meal. So Esau goes off to the hunt.

But Rebekah overheard all of this and runs to tell Jacob her wicked plan. She tells Jacob to go out back and kill “two good kids of the goats” and she will spice it up and make it taste like savory meats “such as he loveth”. Then she says that Jacob will bring the meat to his father while Esau is still away hunting so that Isaac will give him the final blessing “before the LORD”.

Jacob complains to his mother that his dad will never fall for it because “Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man.” He is afraid his blind father will feel him and know that he is not his brother, and his father will therefore curse him. But Jacob does what his bitch mother tells him to and brings back the goats, and she cooks them. Then she takes some of Esau’s clothes and puts them on Jacob.

Then, (wait for it…) Genesis 27:16 She put the skins of the kids of the goats upon his hands, and upon the smooth of his neck. She covers Jacob’s neck and hands with baby goatskin!

Then she sends Jacob in to see his father with the faux venison held in his goat-covered hands. Isaac asks ‘Who’s there?” Here it comes… Genesis 27:19 And Jacob said unto his father, “I am Esau thy first born. I have done according as thou badest me. Arise, I pray thee, sit and eat of my venison, that thy soul may bless me.” BAM! An outright lie!

But Isaac is suspicious. He wonders how Esau came back with the venison so quickly. And Jacob, the sleazy little scumbag patriarch of Judaism is quick to reply “Because the LORD thy God brought it to me”. Another boldfaced lie in the name of the LORD.

Then just to make sure, Isaac asks that his son come close that he might feel him to make sure that it is Esau. He feels the baby goatskin on Jacob’s hands and says, “The voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” That was all he needed to be convinced, and so he mistakenly blesses Jacob instead of Esau. Isaac even asks one more time “Art thou my very son Esau?” And Jacob, the conniving little shitbag hero to the Jews lies one more time by saying “I am.”

Isaac ate the food and drank the wine and kissed his son Jacob. He even smelled the smell of Esau’s clothes on Jacob and was further convinced, so he continued to give Jacob the blessing that was rightfully Esau’s. Genesis 27:29 “Let people serve thee, and nations bow down to thee. Be lord over thy brethren, and let thy mother’s sons bow down to thee. Cursed be every one that curseth thee, and blessed be he that blesseth thee.”

Then not too long after this shameful scam was perpetrated and Jacob was gone, Esau comes home from the hunt with the real venison. He cooks it up and brings it to Isaac and asks for his fathers blessing. Isaac is like “Whuuutt?!?!” He says he has just eaten and given his blessing to his brother. Genesis 27:34-35 And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, “Bless me, even me also, O my father.” And he said, “Thy brother came with subtilty, and hath taken away thy blessing.”

Real nice. I guess there are “no take backs” when it comes to the LORD’s blessing. And where was the LORD while his covenant was being deceitfully taken from its rightful owner? I bet he was right there the whole time, dick in hand.

Esau goes on in Genesis 27:36 And he said, “Is not he rightly named Jacob? For he hath supplanted me these two times. He took away my birthright; and behold, now he hath taken away my blessing.” And he said, “Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me?”

Isaac answers, “Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants”. Esau weeps and begs his father for one single blessing. And Isaac tells Esau that he shall serve his brother Jacob, and “live by the sword”. Esau swears that he will slay Jacob as soon as he is done mourning his father. Rebekah overhears this and sends Jacob away to live with his uncle until Esau cools down.

Jacob is about to leave town but the foolish father Isaac has one last piece of racist bullshit to pass along to his unscrupulous son before he leaves. Genesis 28:1 “Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.” Here, yet again, we see the origins of the Jew’s deep-rooted hatred for, and prejudice against the Canaanites, aka the Palestinians, aka the people who lived in the Promised Land before God gave it to the descendants of Abraham.

Isaac goes on to bless Jacob (the despicable son who deceived him), while admitting that the Promised Land is not actually theirs. Genesis 28:3-4 “And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people. And give thee the blessing of Abraham, to thee, and to thy seed with thee; that thou mayest inherit the land wherein thou art a stranger, which God gave unto Abraham.”

There it is right there, “that thou mayest inherit the land where you are a stranger”. Clearly the Jews have no right to the Promised Land other than the claim that Abraham says God says he gave it to them.

To recap, Abraham is the guy who came up with ritually mutilating the genitals of infant males. He is the guy who was going to murder his son Ishmael in cold blood because God dared him to, and then he gave an entire country (that he did not own) to his son Isaac. Then Isaac, on his deathbed passes on this Promised Land to his lying piece of shit son Jacob who conned him out of giving it to Esau the rightful heir. (This is the history of the Hebrew nation according to their own holy book) And the reason Isaac says they will be “strangers” in this land is because it is not their land! It is not like Abraham and Isaac were saying, “Go reclaim our homeland!” They are saying, “Go take the land of the Canaanites because I say so”. And as it turns out the only way God’s favorite family can get their precious Promised Land is to take it and keep it by force. (Sound familiar?)

But I am getting slightly ahead of myself. There is one more twist in this 4000-year-old episode of Jerry Springer.

Jacob is on the lam, and he camps out under a tree somewhere in Canaan (Palestine), and falls asleep. It is then that he has a dream about a ladder that reaches to Heaven (“Jacob’s ladder”). Jacob sees the angels of God ascending and descending the ladder. Then Jacob sees God standing atop the ladder. And God says, Genesis 28:13-14 “I am the LORD God of Abraham thy father, and the God of Isaac. The land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed.” Again God promises the land of Canaan to the progeny of Abraham. And now Jacob, this creepy sleezeball, is rewarded for his treachery by becoming God’s new Chosen One. (Which says everything you need to know about God)

Eventually Jacob heads back to his original home, but when he hears that Esau has amassed an army of 400 men that are coming his way Jacob gets scared. He comes up with an elaborate (and lie filled) escape plan. He then prays to God and reminds Yahweh that he promised to protect him and his family.

Jacob sends his family away to escape first, and just as he is getting ready to leave his camp, out of nowhere this happens…

Genesis 32:24 And Jacob was left alone, and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

Out of nowhere there is some guy that Jacob wrestles all night long. Finally, at daybreak Jacob has the guy pinned and the mystery man says, “Let me go!” Jacob replies that he won’t let the man go until he blesses Jacob. The man asks Jacob what his name is, and Jacob tells him. And then, (drumroll…) the mystery man is revealed to be God himself. (Many biblical scholars believe that this angel/man was actually Jesus making an appearance in the Old Testament)

God then tells Jacob, “Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel”.

And that’s it. That is the origin of the name Israel, which apparently means “He who wrestles God”. This immoral jerk of a man, this deceitful and disgraceful weasel who lied, cheated, and stole his way into Yahweh’s little black heart has just been renamed by God himself. And thus the nation of Israel is born.

THE END

(I wish)

Of all the things that I’ve written about which I find unacceptable in the world, ritualistic infant circumcision is one of the most distasteful and disgraceful. I can’t believe that I even have to take a stand against the involuntary genital mutilation of anyone at any age, let alone a newborn baby. It upsets me greatly that I live in a world where I have to say for the record that mutilating a newborn baby’s genitals is wrong.

I don’t remember the actual day I found out that Santa Claus wasn’t real. Perhaps my little child-mind has blocked out the memory as a way of protecting me from the emotional trauma and shock of learning that my parents and society in general had lied to me for my whole life. In the same vein I do not remember the day I learned that I had been circumcised, that a piece of my penis had been cut off without my consent. This is surely another time when my child-mind was trying desperately to forget and protect me from the horror and outrage I felt at such an intense offense to my person.

I grew up in Los Angeles during the 1980’s thinking my penis was normal. Whatever smut I happened to see made me think that everyone had a penis like mine, (circumcised and huge), but then I think I saw some kid in the locker room in high school and I thought to myself, “Is that what dicks look like naturally? So then what happened to me?!”

Don’t get me wrong, I like the way my penis looks. Its mine and I love it. There is nothing I can do about it so I am moving on with my life, but I do wonder how it would feel to have the penis I was born with. I wonder what it would feel like to have all of the nerve endings that some doctor removed without my permission. Those were my nerve endings and it was no one’s right to cut them off but my own.

Why?! That is the question. Why on Earth would someone do something like cut off the nerve-rich protective sheath covering the head of an infant’s penis?

The three main reasons given for this institutionalized atrocity are: religious, medical, and societal. I have written extensively about all three of these “reasons” in an article entitled Circumcision Can Suck By D!ck. If you want to read the full article please follow the link above and pass it on to anyone who might need to know the full story.

This article will only be examining the religious excuses for what I call “circumstition”, (circumcision + superstition = circumstition).

Where did the concept of religiously branding a baby boy by removing his foreskin come from? Big surprise! It comes from the Bible. Circumcision is thought to have originated in ancient Egypt as a way of marking slaves, (We will come back to the slave thing in a moment), however the Old Testament is the first place where we find the ritual of circumcision as a religious mandate.

Long before the Ten Commandments it was the very first commandment. “Thou shalt be circumcised!”

The whole thing began as a covenant between Yahweh (the God of the Old Testament, aka Jesus’ dad) and Abraham, (the common ancestor of the three great Abrahamic religions, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam.)

Genesis 17:9-14 says: Then God said to Abraham, “As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall be circumcised.  You are to undergo circumcision, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you. For the generations to come every male among you who is eight days old must be circumcised, including those born in your household or bought with money from a foreigner—those who are not your offspring. Whether born in your household or bought with your money, they must be circumcised. My covenant in your flesh is to be an everlasting covenant. Any uncircumcised male, who has not been circumcised in the flesh, will be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant.”

(I’d like to take a moment right now point out Yahweh’s outright condoning of slavery. Remember, this is the same God who famously goes on to free his people from bondage in Egypt, but clearly he has no problem with his chosen people buying and owning slaves from other countries. God’s only problem with slavery is if your slaves’ foreskins haven’t been cut off in his name. OK, back to our regularly scheduled de-programming.)

Genesis 17:23-27 goes on to say: “On that very day Abraham took his son Ishmael and all those born in his household or bought with his money, every male in his household, and circumcised them, as God told him. Abraham was ninety-nine years old when he was circumcised, and his son Ishmael was thirteen; Abraham and his son Ishmael were both circumcised on that very day. And every male in Abraham’s household, including those born in his household or bought from a foreigner, was circumcised with him.”

(Again, we find this supposedly sacred text making it a point to let everyone know that slavery is perfectly acceptable in God’s eyes. It’s all good just as long as Jehovah gets his piece of penis. The God of the Bible sounds more like the Devil to me, but that’s another article.)

Anyways, imagine if you will a 99 year-old man in the desert 4500 years ago…circumcising himself. Now Imagine a God who goes to all the trouble to create the universe, the stars, the Earth, plants, animals, and people; then for some reason he decides to choose one particular group of people over all the others to be his chosen people; and then he then tells his chosen ones that in order for him to be truly happy he needs them to cut the foreskins off their penises.

(Insert comedic record-scratch sound effect here)

If cutting off a part of your reproductive organ is the symbol of your covenant with your God… what does that say about your God? And what does that say about you?

What kind of person would do such a horrible thing to themself or their child because God told them to? Oh yeah, someone like Abraham. Lets not forget that Abraham is the guy who was going to murder his son Isaac with a knife because God dared him to as a test of faith. Doesn’t it seem a little suspicious that good ol’ Abraham, the guy who was gonna stab his son for God, ended being the same person to let the world know about God’s demented demand for circumcision? Seriously, a guy who hears a murderous voice in his head and is willing to kill his son in cold blood is a psychopath and should be locked up. Anything Abraham supposedly said can only be considered the words of a crazy person. Do not listen to him! Least of all if he’s telling you to mutilate your genitals, or your children’s genitals for God.

Besides, are we to believe that God can’t tell his chosen people from the lesser races without checking out their penises? That’s redickulous! Nevertheless Jews believe it to be true. Here are a few more fun facts about Jews and circumcision.

Fun fact #1. If a father does not have his son circumcised, the son is obligated to have himself circumcised as soon as he becomes an adult, or suffer the penalty of kareth, which is spiritual excision. In other words, regardless of how good a Jew he is in all other ways, if he is not circumcised he will be “cut off” from society. As if that wasn’t enough, he will also suffer the extinction of his soul after death and be denied a place in the world to come.

Fun Fact #2. Circumcision performed by a regular physician does not qualify as spiritually valid regardless of whether a rabbi says a blessing over it, because the removal of the foreskin is itself a religious ritual that must be performed by someone religiously qualified.

Fun fact #3. If the child was previously circumcised without the appropriate religious intent or in a manner that rendered the circumcision religiously invalid, a symbolic circumcision may be performed by a rabbi who takes a pinprick of blood from the tip of the penis.

Remember, this is what the almighty God of the Bible demands that you do if you want to stay on his good side. You better have one of his pious vampires make your penis bleed for him or you are off the team, forever.

And speaking of blood, what about Christianity?

Christianity takes a rather relaxed stance on circumcision. It must be said that this was not through any change of heart from the bloodthirsty, slavery condoning, penis obsessed God of the Old Testament. It wasn’t even due to anything Jesus is said to have said. (In fact Jesus never directly states that any of his father’s bigoted rules no longer apply. This includes the rules about the subjugation of women, killing gay people, or owning slaves just to name a few. But once again I digress.)

It was Paul the first evangelist who while bringing his new religion to the world realized that it would be hard enough for this spinoff of Judaism to spread without telling people that they had to mutilate their genitals, especially since the Greeks abhorred circumcision. Paul told people that turning from sin and relying on Jesus’ work on the cross makes Christians “circumcised of heart”, so they didn’t have to be circumcised of penis. Instead of circumcision Christians settle for what I call “circumfixion” (circumcision + crucifixion = circumfixion)

To be clear, Paul did not speak out against circumcision, he was not trying to stop it from occurring. He was merely interested in anything that would help Christianity spread more easily so he took it upon himself to decide that God’s explicitly stated covenant was no longer mandatory. Without the compulsory penis mutilation Christianity was able to grow more popular and become what it is today, Judaism-Lite.

And finally there is Islam, (he says looking over his shoulder for murderous fanatics with no sense of humor). Since Islam is also an Abrahamic religion it too requires the covenant of circumcision, and nearly all Muslim men are circumcised. It is interesting to note that Islam bases this perverse practice on the exact same verse in the Old Testament quoted above, Genesis 17:9-14.

The Jews and the Muslims have been locking horns for centuries, they are the religious version of the Hatfields and McCoys, but both sides of this bitter and seemingly endless ideological war mutilate their own penises in the same way, for the same reason, and for the same God. Read that last sentence again. Maybe at the next Middle East peace negotiations they should all just drop their pants and wag their penises at each other approvingly. If that can’t bring them together then what can? And the more I think about it the more I realize there is probably a direct correlation between the violence that has plagued these two tribes throughout history and the brutality with which they treat their own penises.

If you are about to have a baby please do not perform this ungodly and unnecessary ritual amputation on them. Leave their perfect little body and mind intact. Bring a complete child home from the hospital. Raise an intact son. And if your son comes home to you one day and says some boys in the locker room made fun of his penis for being intact, you can let him know that you chose not to cut off part of his penis without his consent. You tell him that you left the decision to remove a useful and extremely sensitive part of his penis up to him. And he will thank you for it.

If your child grows up and as an adult decides to have his foreskin taken off then that’s his choice to make. Parents do not have the right to mutilate their children for any reason. It’s time to end this trend.

The good news is that in America since 1980 the national circumcision rate has dropped significantly. The decline is due in part to the fact that in some states Medicaid and other insurance companies are no longer covering the procedure, and thankfully more and more doctors are realizing that the gruesome act of depriving a child of his foreskin is unethical.

The decline in circumcisions is also due to the growing awareness of female genital mutilation in other cultures. The awful things that are done to female genitalia are being seen as comparable to what Jews, Muslims, and Americans do to male genitals.

To mutilate any newborn baby’s reproductive organ, to inflict such intense trauma on a pristine mind, body, and soul for made-up religious reasons, spurious medical reasons, or social norms is just plain wrong, and it must be stopped.

Please help promote genital autonomy and integrity. Become an “intactivist”. And if you don’t want to fight on the front lines, please support anti-circumcision groups such as:

NoCirc.org

IntactAmerica.org

MothersAgainstCirc.org

JewsAgainstCircumcision.org

DoctorsOpposingCircumcision.org

Noharmm.org

When I was in Catholic school being force-fed fantastically miraculous stories from the Bible I remember thinking, “God sure seems to be on an extended vacation.” I mean really, where’s he been? Seriously. Yahweh used to be so proactive. He used to take such an active roll in the drama of his people. He basically wrote, directed, produced, and starred in the damned thing. But now he seems to have gotten out of the business. Did he burn out? Is he in rehab? Inquiring minds want to know.

Why is it that God has so obviously stopped taking action like he used to? And I’m not just talking about miracles. Miracles are for saints and saviors. I am talking about actual “Acts of God”. (Cue thunder and lightning).

Here is a list of just some of the miracles and acts of God in the Old Testament.

– Creating the universe. I’ll give him this one. Even science needs one miracle (the big bang) in order to “explain” everything else.

– The Great Flood. If that’s not an act of God I don’t know what is. I mean after all he premeditatedly drowned (almost) everything and everyone on earth with rain.

– And speaking of miracles, Noah and his family built a wooden ocean liner, and then somehow rounded up two of every animal specis on earth, and then lived with them all on a boat for a year. Two of every species. That means they got koala bears from Australia, and grizzly bears from America, and polar bears from the Arctic, (just to name a few). How did they get all those animals? And how did all those animals get all the way back to their natural habitats? It’s a miracle!

– He destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. He didn’t like all the fornicating (sodomy) and debauchery so he killed everyone. You’d think nowadays he might have something to say about San Francisco and Las Vegas, but nope. Not a word from the Y-man about a place that actually calls itself “Sin City”.

– After he destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, he turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt. You don’t see much of that kind of thing anymore.

– He helped Isaac and Sarah conceive a child at the ripe old age of 100. God could be making a fortune if he opened up a fertility clinic. Even if it was only for his precious chosen people.

– And of course there are the ten plagues that he cursed Egypt with in order to free his chosen people from slavery in Egypt.

1.  He turned the water to blood. The fish died and the river stank. And then I imagine the whole thing congealed into a Nile shaped scab. Ewww.
2. God covered the land of Egypt with frogs. They crept into people’s houses and in their beds. They even hopped into their ovens. Later he supernaturally killed all the frogs and then left them all over to stink the place up.
3. He turned the dust into lice. Nice.
4. He “corrupted” the land with a “grievous” swarm of flies.
5. He sent a murrain. A murrain is an infectious disease affecting cattle and sheep. God killed all of the Egyptian’s cattle, horses, asses, camels oxen and sheep. (Oh but of course he didn’t kill any of the cattle that belonged to the Children of Israel)
6. He gave the Egyptians boils and blains. Boils are nasty infections of hair follicles, and blains (another new and disgusting vocabulary word care of God) are inflamed swellings.
7. He brought hail with fire and thunder. Now we’re talking. That’s some act of God shit right there. The Bible mentions that the hail killed the beasts in the field. (But didn’t the murrain kill them all already?) There was no hail in the land of Goshen where the Children of Israel were staying.
8. He sent a swarm of locusts. The locusts ate every herb that the hail didn’t destroy.
9. He cast a darkness over the land. There was a thick darkness that shrouded Egypt for three days. No one could see each other. Except of course the Jews had light.
10. He slaughtered all the first-born children of Egypt. That is just evil. These were all innocent children. And men as well, because you don’t have to be a baby to be the first born. So God slaughtered thousands and thousands of innocent men, boys, and babies instead of just killing the fucking Pharaoh. Dick move.

– He parted the Red Sea for Moses and company as they were high-tailing it out of Egypt. And let’s not forget that he also drowned the Egyptian army in the Red Sea.

– He spoke to Moses through burning bush.

– He stopped the sun and moon in their tracks. The sun supposedly did not move for a whole day. (Then how could there be a day?)

– There was a talking donkey. Seriously. There is a talking donkey in the Bible. A guy named Balaam is whipping his donkey too much, and the donkey speaks to him. Numbers 22:30 And the ass said unto Balaam, “Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? Was I ever wont to do so unto thee?”

– King Jeroboam’s hand dries up and withers away, and is then restored again. I can picture some really cheesy 60’s stop-motion special effect.

– Some kids were mocking the prophet Elijah, but then God sends 2 she-bears to tear all forty-two children apart. Well, alright then. I guess I better keep an eye out for she-bears.

– The Syrian army is smitten by blindness. It seems like the Israeli army could really use some of their God’s old magic these days. (And it is really sad to think that the Jews and the Syrians have been going at it since the dawn of history.)

Those are all things that the Bible expects you to believe really happened. That is some pretty fantastical stuff. That is some Harry Potter shit. Not a lot of things like that are happening these days. Not at all.

But, there was one other time in history when God’s magical mystery tour got the band back together and blew some minds in the Levant. I am of course speaking about the New Testament.

Jesus was quite the little trickster himself. He was a real chip off the ol’ block. I guess breaking the laws of physics runs in the family.

Here are just some of the miracles and “Acts (of Son) of God” Jesus supposedly performed.

– Being born to a virgin. That’s a pretty big one. You definitely don’t see a lot of that anymore. It’s funny, you see it a lot in the mythology prior to Jesus’ birth, but I’m sure it really happened with Jesus. Plus when you add in that he was actually his own father things get really weird.

– He healed a bunch of blind people. There are many times in the New Testament where Jesus just stops whatever he’s doing to heal a blind person. Which begs the question why didn’t he just cure blindness in general? Why didn’t he just set up a booth or a stall in the bazarr and just heal blind people? Wouldn’t that have proven that he was the Son of God without the need for him to get crucified? Wouldn’t that be more useful and effective in the real world?

– The money needed for a bribe was miraculously found in a caught fish’s mouth, just as Jesus had predicted. Seriously. Some people needed money to pay for a bribe and no one had any money. So Jesus said told them to go cast a line in the water because the fish they caught would have the coin they needed in its mouth. And it did. This brings a whole new meaning to the term riverbank. (Rimshot!)

– He healed ten lepers. Which again begs the question, couldn’t he have just cured leprosy itself? And I’m not even talking about setting up a leprosy curing business. I am talking about curing leprosy. I mean you are the son of God right? You heal lepers as a hobby, so why not just cure all lepers at once?

– He resurrected Lazarus. He actually resurrected three different people. (Four including himself.) And it is not well known that at the moment Christ died there was an earthquake and resurrections occurred en masse in Jerusalem. Matthew 27:52-53 states, And the graves were opened, and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many. Of course there is no other documentation of this group resusurrection outside of the Bible. You’d think some historian, or even an average Joe would write down that a bunch of zombies walked around Jerusalem one day. But no.

– He fed 4000 people with seven loaves and a few little fishes. Why can’t he come down now and end world hunger.

– He turned water into wine. A wedding had run out of wine and Jesus “the party monster” Christ saved the day. Where’s that trick when you need it?

– He walked on water. Then why didn’t he just walk all the way to Greece where his doctrines could have been actually written down and accepted, and he could have avoided that whole crucifixion thing?

– He destroyed a fig tree that was out of season because it had no fruit. In Matthew 21:19 it says And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, “Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever.” And presently the fig tree withered away. Think about that. He comes upon a fig tree with no fruit on it and gets so pissed that he curses the tree so that it will never bare fruit again. Then the tree immediately withers and dies. Think of all the people who went hungry because Jesus magically killed their fruit tree just because it was out of season.

– Christ exorcises some demons out of some people and casts their evil spirits into 2000 pigs. But that’s not all. Then these 2000 swine ran “violently down a steep place into the sea” and drowned. That seems to me like a pretty shitty way for the Son of God to exorcise some demons. Couldn’t he have just made them disappear? Why did he have to kill all those innocent animals?

– And last but certainly not least we can’t forget a little something like being resurrected from the dead. That is a pretty neat party trick.

Are we really to believe that all of these things happened? And if they did then why don’t they happen anymore? Where the fuck is God? It seems like if this terribly dramatic and all-powerful God was able to do all of these things once for his “chosen people” he should be able to do them again anytime throughout history. For instance, where was God in the early 1940’s when his people needed him so desperately? He was nowhere to be found. Why doesn’t Yahweh just show up, pick sides, and make with the kicking ass like he used to?

What ever happened to the ol’ whiz-bang, fire and brimstone God in the sky whose angels came down on chariots of fire to meddle in earthly affairs? There hasn’t been one appearance from the man upstairs (or his son) since they stopped editing the Bible a loooooong time ago.

Where are all the acts of God?! Nowadays “acts of god” are acts of Nature that insurance companies don’t cover. Things like floods or lightning strikes. Freak weather patterns are hardly as miraculous as impregnating virgin women from space or wherever Yahweh is supposed to live.

And Jesus was like bronze-age superhero. He had all kinds of magical super-powers. Where has he been all this time? For 20 centuries people have been killing each other over what they say he supposedly said. Couldn’t he have come down from heaven and set things straight at any point in time? Couldn’t he have made some sort of appearance to clarify his teachings for his followers? Couldn’t he have stopped the inquisition, or all the child molestation in the Catholic Church? Where was Jesus then? And where is he now? The same place he and his father have always been. Nowhere’sville. That’s where.

We live in extraordinary times, but this is nothing compared to what an amazing and whimsical place the Middle East was thousands of years ago. Clearly the age of miracles is over.

It’s funny how the end of the age of miracles coincided with the beginning of the age of reason. Once people started being able to read and write and think for themselves, the almighty God and his wondrous miracles seem to have disappeared.

Unless of course if you count bleeding statues, or Jesus’ face on a toaster strudel. There seem to be a lot of those nowadays. I mean really?! Are those paltry excuses for “miracles” all that God, The Creator of Heaven and Earth has left in his bag of tricks?

There should be no doubt about an act of God. There should be no interpretation needed. You should not have to look at it from a certain angle and let your eyes defocus like one of those stereograms in order for you to see something that might be the Virgin Mary’s face. An act of God should leave you feeling awed, not feeling odd. An act of God should not be something that Penn and Teller can debunk. A biblical act of God should make you shit your pants with terror.

But alas, as time goes by there are no more miracles or acts of God. As the days pass into years, and the years pass into millennia, Yahweh and his miracles remain nowhere to be found, and the Bible is revealed for what is truly is…a fairy tale. A sociopolitical campfire story meant to scare little children into doing what their fathers tell them to do.

It is as if the people of today really believed that there actually was a Jack who climbed up the beanstalk. It’s as if millions of people believed Superman really existed but left Earth in the 80’s promising to come back at some undetermined point in the future. It’s like Grown-ups still believing in Santa Claus.

The true miracle is that people throughout the ages have believed these things are real. They are just myths and stories. End of story.

To me, Nature is God and life itself is a miracle. Whatever you are doing, wherever you are, take a look around right now. Do you see Yahweh? No. Because Yahweh is a made up bogeyman in the sky. Where is Jesus? I’ll tell you where he is. He is with Luke Skywalker, the Tooth Fairy, Bugs Bunny, and the rest of humanity’s imaginary characters. They exist only in your thoughts. They have no power but the power you give them.

The reason there are no more acts of God like the ones on the Bible is because there never were any.

Sorry kids, Santa Claus isn’t real.

Of course when you think about the Bible and slavery, the first thing that comes to mind is how God used his magical powers to free the Jews who were slaves in Egypt.

If this was all that you knew about the Bible then you might think “Awww, those poor Jews. I can’t believe those awful Egyptians made them build those pyramids. At least the God of Bible is nice and he thought slavery was wrong so he freed them.” Unfortunately that is not the case, because as soon as God set his people free from bondage (which begs the question, how did God let his chosen people become slaves in the first place?) they began to lay out the rules for how to purchase, propegate, and punish their own slaves.

That’s right the former slaves quickly became slave masters. Not unlike how in modern-day Israel where the holocaust survivors have quickly set up their own concentration camp (aka the Palestinian territories of The West Bank, and The Gaza Strip.)

Far from condemning slavery, the Old Testament actually condones slavery. It is practically a “slave owning for dummies” book. Actually now that I think about it, it is a slave owning for dummies book .

OK let’s get this over with. Let’s look at what the word of God has to say about slavery.

Exodus 21:2 If thou buy a Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve, and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing.

Ok so if you buy a Hebrew slave you keep him for 6 years then you let him go. Gross, but at least there is a happy ending.

Exodus 21:4 If his master have given him a wife, and she have born him sons or daughter, the wife and her children shall be her master’s, and he shall go out by himself.

Oh boy, here we go. This says that if you buy a Hebrew slave, and in the 6 years you have him slaving for you you give him a wife, (because you can just give women to whomever you want, right?) and he has children with her, when it is time for the slave to leave, the master gets to keep the wife and the children for his own. (I can already tell this article is going to piss me off a lot.)

But what if the Hebrew slave has fallen in love with his wife and he loves his little slave kids? (Remember we are talking about a slave who is actually a Hebrew and is owned by a Hebrew) What is he to do then? Don’t worry the Bible has thought of everything.

Exodus 21:5-6 And if the servant shall plainly say, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free, then the master shall…bore his ear through with an awl and he shall serve him forever.

So if you have fallen in love with your slave wife and you want to see your 5 year-old slave daughter grow up, then you have to tell your boss you love him like you mean it, and then he will take a pointy piece of metal and pierce your ear, and then you will have to work for him forever.

So obviously a slave master would want to have a stable of slave girls that he can his get Hebrew slaves emotionally attached to so they will volunteer for a lifetime of slavery. (Apparently the ear is pierced because it is the organ of listening and it signifies the slave’s promise of obedience.)

But what about if a Jew steals another Jew’s slave and either sells him or keeps him for himself? Exodus 21:16 And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death. Well, that’s pretty straightforward. We can’t have Jews stealing human cattle from other Jews now can we? This rule is repeated in Deuteronomy 24:7 If a man be found stealing any of his brethren of the children of Israel, and maketh merchandise of him, or selleth him, then that thief shall die. Notice how this only applies to stealing other Jews and “making merchandise” out of them. It does not mention that stealing other people, aka gentiles is wrong.

Here comes the really ugly shit.

Exodus 21:20-21 And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand he shall be surely punished. Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished for he is his money.

All right, this King James Version of the Bible is full of confusing, hoity-toity, ye olde English syntax, so I will break that shit down for you in plain english. What those last two verses say is this. If you beat your male of female slave with a stick and they die, you will be punished. (Not punished with death obviously, but punished in some way that is not mentioned) However, if you beat your male or female slave with a stick and they are able to get up after a day or two, then you will not be punished, because the slaves are just your “money”, aka property.

(By the way, they call them “servants” and “maids”, but that is just an early version of euphemistic bullshit. We are talking about fucking slaves here. And speaking of fucking slaves, the maids had to “please” their masters sexually as well.)

Moving on to the book of Leviticus, the third book of the Bible.

It says in Leviticus 25:17 “Ye shall not therefore oppress one another; but thou shalt fear thy God for I am the LORD your God.” Here we have God saying something that actually seems kind of nice, but then he immediately follows it with something stupid like “but I want you to fear me”. Don’t love me, fear me. That says everything you need to know about Yahweh right there. And he wants you to fear him because he is “the LORD your God.” First of all why is the word LORD in all caps every time it is written in the Bible? It’s like he is some Internet troll leaving YouTube comments AND YELLING ALL THE TIME!!! And second, why does God feel the need to keep reminding his people that he is God. Shouldn’t they be able to figure that out on their own? It seems like he is overcompensating for massive insecurity. Anyways, at least God did say something nice like “don’t oppress one another”.

But then, we realize that God was only speaking about Jews not oppressing other Jews. He is not interested in people not oppressing people. His only concern is that his chosen people do not oppress his chosen people. In fact God demands that Jews oppress other people. But don’t take my word for it.

Leviticus 25:44 Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids.

This clearly says that your slaves, which you will have, must be of the “heathen” that are about you. Heathen? Who the fuck are these Hebrew savages calling heathen? The answer is easy, it’s anyone who is not Jewish of course. Which pretty much leaves everyone else in the world as candidates for purchasing or kidnapping, and enslaving.

But God still has more guidelines for being a Jewish slave master. Leviticus 25:45 Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession.

You can also buy the children and whole families of foreigners, and you get to keep any children that they have. “Of them shall ye buy… and they shall be your possession.” Fuuuuuck you.

Oh but there’s more. Leviticus 25:46 And ye shall take them as an inheritance for your children after you, to inherit them for a possession. They shall be your bondmen for ever, but over your brethren the children of Israel, ye shall not rule one over another with rigour.

And then when you die you can leave these slave families and slave children to your children as an inheritance. “They shall be your bondmen forever.” Seriously fuck you Jews. You complained about being the Pharoah’s slaves and the first thing you do is go take heathen slaves forever? You pieces of shit. (See, I knew this article would piss me off) God thinks slavery is bad, but only when his people are the slaves. Other than that everyone else is fair game. It is as if when it comes to slavery and oppression there are two sets of rules. One for the rest of the world and one for the Jews. In fact it is exactly like that, because we see in the last line from the verse above where it says you are supposed to treat your Israeli slaves without “rigor”, aka nicely.

Leviticus 25:46 is also the passage that the 514^th Commandment comes from. That commandment, which has been passed down through the (de)generations by pious Jews reads as follows. “Canaanite slaves must work forever unless the owner amputates one of their limbs.” That hate speech is straight off the Chabad.org website.

The Jews have passed this garbage off as the word of God for 4000 years. It is no wonder that the “heathen”, aka the rest of the world, do not seem to care for them. They have translated these passages from language to language over 4 millennia and every time they have done it they have chosen to leave these parts in. But then of course they have to don’t they? I mean, after all these are the words of God right? Well I’d like to take a moment as a proud heathen to say fuck you Yahweh. Fuck you so hard your eyes bleed.

OK, I know that I am getting a bit fired up here. The rage of my reason is getting upset that I even have to shine a light on shit like this. Maybe if we look at the pseudo-enlightened, fluffy bunny New Testament it will cheer me up.

Nope. The New Testament might not overtly condone slavery, but it sure doesn’t condemn it either. In fact the few times it does mention slavery it is in reference to the Christian virtue of obedience.

It says In Ephesians 6:5 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ.

Slave owners used to love this passage, because in it “Saint” Paul is clearly telling slaves to be as obedient to their masters as they are to Christ, “with fear and trembling”. This biblical bullshit was used as a religious rationale for justifying the slavery that lasted in America up until the 19^th century. That is insane! And damned shame.

And then Paul speaks to the slave masters in Ephesians 6:9 And, ye masters, do the same things unto them, forbearing threatening knowing that your Master also is in heaven.

Here he urges slave owners to not threaten their slaves by threatening slave owners with the thought they are themselves slaves to a greater master in heaven. God is the ultimate slave master.

Colossians 4:1 seconds the opinion that God is a slave master. Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven.

I know that verse might be interpreted as a way of telling slave owners to be nice to their slaves, but it also could have been a great opportunity to denounce slavery altogether. And referring God as a slave master, while giving the power-hungry fear mongering Yahweh a Bible boner, sure doesn’t make me want to go to his hellish heaven.

We see slaves being told to be obedient to their masters again in Titus 2:9-10 Exhort servants to be obedient unto their own masters, and to please them well in all things, not answering again. Not purloining, but showing all good fidelity. Hey slaves, be obedient. Don’t talk back, don’t steal, just do as you’re told. 

And finally here is one more example of the New Testament telling slaves to do what they are told. 1 Peter 2:18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the forward.

This is telling slaves to be fearful and do as their master’s command, whether their masters are gentle or “forward” aka harsh.

Christianity is a slave religion. It was the religion of the slave masters and it was foisted upon the slaves themselves. The Bible was used as proof that black people should be slaves because God thinks they are a lesser race. Some people “interpreted” dark skin as the curse of Ham, or the mark of Cain, and so for hundreds of years these good Christians thought they were doing God’s work by making their slaves do all the work.

And if that wasn’t enough, not many people know that the first slave ship to bring slaves to the new world was named Jesus of Lubeck. (Lubeck is a city in Germany) The ship eventually became known as “The Good Ship Jesus”. It astounds me that there are so many African American Christians. I think it was Chris Rock who said, “Black Christians have short memories.”

All of this, from the Jews overtly condoning and regulating the slave trade, to Christians telling people to be obediently slave-like because God is your ultimate master, all of this shit is used to enslave not just the human body, but the human mind as well.

That is a huge part of why I rail so hard against religion. That is why my reason rages ever onward. Not just because the Bible is outwardly violent and bigoted, but because religion enslaves the human spirit.

I have often said, “Just because I have never been religious doesn’t mean I can’t speak out against religion, in the same way that I have never been a slave and yet I can speak out against slavery”. In this article I am grateful to be able to speak out against both.

If you are one of the people who says things like “Yeah those parts in the Bible about slavery are bad, but everyone had slaves back then, and that’s just how things were.” I agree. That is just how things were back then. And sadly that’s how things were nearly 250 years ago when America was being founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. But unlike the Bible, the Constitution has been amended to finally abolish slavery. It is a shame that the American government had to do it in the first place, but it is to their credit that they did.

Jews and Christians on the other hand have passed on these barbaric passages all throughout the years. They have handed them down thorough time, word for fucking word. They actually think these are Holy Scriptures, slavery and all. They could take those parts out, but they don’t and they won’t, because after all God wrote it. So they just skip over those parts of “the good book”, and pretend they aren’t there. Well, I’m here to tell you that they are.

The God who supposedly wrote the Bible is nowhere to be found. He hasn’t been seen or heard from for the last 2000 to 4000 years. He could easily revise his original outdated writing, or he could even give us a brand new one. (Nowadays he might even write a movie or have a podcast if he actually gave a shit about communicating with humans.) But it would seem he has stopped writing books altogether. God refuses to amend the word of God to forbid slavery. That is either because he likes the Bible just the way it is, or because he is just a figment of your imagination. He is either a piece of shit, or he doesn’t exist. Personally I think it’s both.