On this week’s episode of Most Retarded Shit Ever…

Creationist preacher Ken Ham recently had this to say when asked about the possibility of the existence of intelligent life on other planets: “The Bible, in sharp contrast to the secular worldview, teaches that earth was specially created, that it is unique and the focus of God’s attention. Life did not evolve but was specially created by God, as Genesis clearly teaches. Christians certainly shouldn’t expect alien life to be cropping up across the universe.”

That statement is clearly retarded on many levels but what makes this the most retarded shit ever is when he goes on to say that all aliens, if they did exist, would go to hell. But don’t take my word for it. Here is his quote: “You see, the Bible makes it clear that Adam’s sin affected the whole universe. This means that any aliens would also be affected by Adam’s sin, but because they are not Adam’s descendants, they can’t have salvation. One day, the whole universe will be judged by fire, and there will be a new heavens and earth. An understanding of the gospel makes it clear that salvation through Christ is only for the Adamic race—human beings who are all descendants of Adam.”

THAT is the most retarded shit ever! What a presumptuous asshole! what a myopic bigoted shitbag! he has damned all intelligent life in the universe to an eternity in hell because of a book that he read.

However there is good news…The Vatican has recently approved the baptizing of Martians. I’m not kidding. If martians are ever stupid enough to show their little green faces on this spiritually backwards planet they will be thrilled to find out that Jesus died for their sins too.

The other day a thought occurred to me as I was pondering the concept of a hell where evil doers are punished by the Devil, and that thought was this:

WHY WOULD THE DEVIL PUNISH EVIL DOERS?! Why (in the hell) would the King of Sin punish sinners? You’d think he would be rewarding sinners and evil doers. You’d think that it would be the people who kind of sinned a little but didn’t really put their heart into it that would get punished by Satan. (but then again, if you actually thought twice about “hell” you would hopefully realize it was all bullshit in the first place.)

Judeo-christian theology is loaded with this kind of ridiculous contradiction, and honestly this one comes as no real shock. The main surprise was that it had never occurred to me before.

WHY WOULD THE DEVIL PUNISH EVIL DOERS?!

Bill Hicks once said when talking about pro-lifers killing abortion doctors, “…that’s what fundamentalism breeds… no irony”

This week the news is all about a bunch of Americans keeping people from crossing the boarder from Mexico. A bunch of white (former European) people are telling a bunch of Latinos that they aren’t allowed in San Diego, or San Clemente, or la Jolla or Los Angeles or Santa Monica or Camarillo or Santa Barbara or San Luis Obispo or Santa Cruz or San Jose or San Francisco and so on. And that’s just California. Let’s not forget that we gotta keep the Mexicans out of New Mexico!

What a joke.

No irony. Kind of like when Christian priests tell their parishioners that they shouldn’t go see all the witch, wizard, and vampire movies that are constantly in theaters. Personally, I wouldn’t bother wasting my time watching those movies, but I’m not gonna be told to avoid magical vampire movies by a guy who performs a rite over some bread and wine in order to magically turn it into flesh and blood that he and his followers then ritually eat and drink.

Don’t even get me started on all the hardcore Israeli rabbis that are shouting about how the Palestinians are less than people and they need to find a way to get rid of them. Its almost as if they would like some sort of ‘final solution’ to the Palestinian problem.

No irony. Sad but true.