Lately I have been seeing a lot of shirts and bumper stickers that say “spiritual gangster”. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Does it mean that you are really cold-hearted and murderous about the way you are enlightened? Does that mean if I have the wrong color yoga mat you will shoot me?

I have also been seeing a lot of shirts that say “Vegan MAFIA”. Give me a break! You don’t want to hurt the little animals but you associate your health choices with the kind of people who use machine guns to settle their disputes? You take the moral high ground when it comes to protein but the way you do it is just like Al Capone?

Excuse me but aren’t gangsters and the mafia bad things?! Aren’t those people thiefs and MURDERERS? Don’t gangsters and mafiosos kill people all the time? Don’t they have no regard for human life? Don’t they kill cops and innocent people? How the hell did mass murderers become hip? Oh yeah, because we live in a culture that glorifies death and guns and violence.

Spiritual gangster is pure cognitive dissonance. Linguistic nonsense that equates to nil. A positive and a negative that add up to jack shit.

“Hey bro, the way you fed those homeless people was so gangster.” “Wow, I ate some mushrooms and went on a hike and I felt so mafia.” Whats next?

I have a group of hard working, like-minded, friends whom I have just planted a garden with, shall we call ourselves The Garden Gestapo? Or if that name isn’t “pimp” enough, perhaps we could call ourselves The Vegetable NAZIS.

Here we go again.

Another one of western civilization’s traditional holidays shows its face in the candy aisle.

It seems to me that the only way “society” can get kids to follow the programming of the traditional holiday year is to bribe them with candy. Oh hi little girl. Does the thought of god murdering himself because of you make you sad? That’s OK just eat this chocolate rabbit and we will tell you the true meaning of Easter later. Just go ahead and half believe this story about the zombie from Nazzerith who died for YOUR sins, and if you play along you get all the high fructose corn syrup your heart desires. Accept these traditions because you like this candy. Both the candy and the religion are insubstantial and are eating you away from the inside. One is poison for your body. One is poison for your mind.

Why can’t we have a spring holiday that actually celebrates life for all, instead of one that focuses on the death of a Jew? Why cant we eat fresh nutrient rich food for a celebration of spring? Why does a rabbit shitting jellybeans mean that its April in America?

Somehow Americans have been programmed to know its Easter when you see little marshmallow chickens. That’s how Americans know its time to celebrate the time god killed his son but then let him come back for a few days and then took off…leaving his followers to wait patiently for the sign of the chocolate bunny. And yea, the chocolate bunnies did multiply.

Look out Hansel, check out these sweet cover shots Jesus got this week. Wow! Such amazing cheekbones! And those pouty lips. Its like “Blue Steel” died went to heaven…and then came back.. And Jesus is always so in shape. I mean I’ve heard of Cross-Fit but he must be doing Crucifiction-Fit.

A friend and I were discussing the disgusting, and quickly came to the topic of religion. We ended up talking about the movie Noah which just came out. He said to me that the real miracle is that anyone actually believes that shit. The real miracle is that people are scared, or ignorant, or even just plain dumb enough to believe these fairy tales.

At best, the story of Noah (or any other biblical tale) is a myth, a parable that might or might not have a positive message mixed in with all the genocide and misogyny. At worst, those stories were written by a small bunch of sneaky fucks with the intention of keeping people stupid and afraid.

Ultimately they are just stories in a book. Alice in Wonderland is a cool book, but I’m not going to live my life by it. Somehow people get balls-deep in believing that the Bible is a true story, they believe that this conglomeration of propaganda is in fact a history, and to me that is the true miracle.